But this season, Dawgs I actually had something to contribute, aside from their normal big truckload of jack-shit. After their standard tank-job in the winter league playoffs, the team gathered in May and won their first significant event ever, the Quest for the Crown championship at Big Bear Ice Arena.
Now that's a motley crew right there
So to celebrate their overwhelming recent success, it was party time. 65 men, women, children, and Eddie Cribbs gathered for a feast of Tito Pijanowski's famous deep-fried turkey, and Nigel Richardson's special smoked pork and beef. Along with that, there were 10 cases of beer, plus many, many combinations of mixed drinks.
This made for a very interesting evening. Here are just a few of the highlights:
Marty Richardson found a megaphone, which is a little like giving a book of matches to an arsonist. The only saving grace was that he had 9News weather anchor Kathy Sabine standing behind him the whole time.
Good thing she looks like her mom, Cappy...
Party guests were surprised when Joey Buttofuoco arrived:
(I know it's a reach, but look at the hair. Work with me a little here...)
At some point during the proceedings, Barb Zimmat came to the realization that she could do much, much better than her husband Rick. Here she can no longer hide her profound regret:
"Sweet Jesus, I hate him..."
In an overwhelming vote, the party guests selected the two best looking guys at the event:
The line forms to the left, girls
New Dawgs forward Chris Acuna got his dates mixed up, and showed up one week before the actual party. He was later given a special award.
Dude, really...
During his presentation, Marty failed miserably at his new hobby of trying to be a ventriloquist. Unfortunately, he could never get his dummy to say anything.
That dummy is almost lifelike
Dawgs II forward Nick Cortese had a handful of fun, causing him to drool into the beer cup of his wife Lorraine:
Sweet matching white shorts and belts, guys...
Dawgs star forward Shaun Hollis brought a breathalyzer to the event, hoping that it would deter people from drinking and driving. Instead, it became a battle to see who could register the highest amount.
In a close contest, the winner turned out to be birthday boy Danny Packard, who blew an astounding .16. He was followed closely by his figure skating girlfriend Lacey Undergarment, who came in at .14. This put a damper on their special birthday plans for later, when Lacy was set to perform a triple-Lutz and sit-spin on Danny's hog.
Ladies and gentlemen, Brokeback Hockey Player
Tired of hoisting the EAHL Cup year after year, this season the Dawgs II players decided on something different. Here Andy Gerrie is ready to sip victory champagne from a midget hooker:
"Yee-haw! Little people rule!"
In an embarrassing moment, Dawgs forward Eddie Cribbs clearly misunderstood what type of party this was:
"Don't worry girls! This is for me! Girls?"
(In case you were wondering, the big one is in his right hand, and the little one is in his left)
