BOO-YAH!!!

(click all pictures to enlarge)

DAWGS WIN EDGE CUP
What a week it has been for Dawg Nation.

First on Monday night, the Dawgs II team won their third EAHL C-3 division Edge Cup with a convincing 4-1 win over the regular season champion Blue Line Strategies.


Dawgs II- getting used to this pose

Then Tuesday night, Dawgs I gave themselves a chance to do the "Dawgs Double", and win their first winter EAHL title, coming back with five goals in the third period to secure a 7-5 victory over Cobra Kai (see full story of that game below). But because they were coming up from the loser's bracket, they still had to defeat Cobra Kai one more time in order to raise their own Edge Cup.

Finally, on Thursday evening, playing without a crucial player on both offense and defense, the 14 remaining skaters of Dawgs I summoned their best effort of the 2009-2010 season. They gave away an early two goal lead, then clawed their way back from a two goal deficit, and skated away with a 6-5 victory in a tremendously entertaining championship final.

The Dawgs were forced to play without leading scorer and Most Valuable Asian Daniel Pham, who unselfishly gave up playing in the big game in order to attend his brother's 21st birthday celebration in another state. And if that wasn't enough, they would also be without one of their best defensive players, Mike Abdella and his faggity soul patch.

So who would step up in the most important game of the season? Who would pick up the slack for a player like Pham, who had scored 26 goals during the winter campaign? Who would guide his team to their first EAHL winter Edge Cup?

Hang on to your ass, kids. It was this guy:


I believe the phrase you're looking for is- "You got to be fuckin' kidding me..."

Yes, it was none other than Dawgs captain and former flesh sword swallower Marty Richardson. Playing a regular shift in the game only because of Pham's absence, Richardson led the way for the Dawgs, pumping in two goals, and giving him a story to bore his tax clients to death with for years to come.
Matt McGarvey finished his huge playoff run by stuffing in a goal, while young Michael Heaton completely turned the game around in the second period, scoring while his team was two men short.
The Virgin Eric Schlie came through to tie the contest in the third, and Dawgs veteran Shaun Hollis scored the biggest goal of his career late in the game, converting the winner on a breakaway with three minutes left.
After a back and forth beginning, the Dawgs drew first blood in the championship game. Around eight minutes had elapsed when forward Brad Stabio gathered the puck behind the Cobra Kai net. He quickly found Matt McGarvey in the slot, and McGarvey rifled in a six footer to open the scoring.
McGarvey, who endured a midseason goal-scoring slump, bounced back huge in the playoffs, and was the only Dawgs player who tallied in all five postseason games. And nobody was more surprised about that fact than McGarvey.



Uh, Matty, this picture might come up a few times in the future
A couple of minutes later, Tito Pijanowski, who lines up on defense for the Dawgs and then it gets positionally fuzzy after that, fired a hard wrist shot from the top of the right circle. Cobra Kai goalie Jeff Yerks made the save, but the puck came right out for Richardson, who shot it right back into the open net to double the Dawgs lead.
Cobra Kai had been playing terrific offensive hockey during the entire postseason, and they weren't going to just go away. Late in the period, it took them one shift to pop in two goals and level the contest. They scored their first on a power play, knocking in a rebound after Dawgs goalie Al Sterner made the initial save on a shot from the slot.
Then maybe 30 seconds later, Cobra Kai's Tom DiNardo fired a shot from 20 feet that found its way through several bodies and into the goal, beating a screened Sterner low to his stick side. So it was a brand new game heading to the second period.
Five minutes into the second, the Dawgs recaptured the lead on Richardson's second goal. He one-timed a fantastic feed by Shaun Hollis from behind the net before Yerks could even react, and the good guys were back up, 3-2.
That lead didn't last for long, as Cobra Kai equalized on another power play just a couple of minutes later. Sterner again made the first save , but kicked the puck right out to an unattended Cobra Kai forward, who easily fired it back into the cage.
Cobra Kai got their first lead of the night three minutes later on a breakaway following a Dawgs turnover at their own blue line. Then a minute after that, they increased the margin to 5-3 when they poked the puck in after yet another scramble in front of the Dawgs net. They were totally dominating play, and the Dawgs were starting to show some subtle signs of defeat.


Well, maybe not so subtle...
Matters got even worse three minutes before the end of the second, when the Dawgs got two quick penalties and had to try and kill a crucial five-on-three disadvantage. If the Dawgs were to find themselves down three goals entering the third, it would likely be game over.
So Cobra Kai worked the puck around the offensive zone, and one of their forwards looked free for a shot to the glove side of Sterner. Sterner moved to the top of his crease in anticipation of the shot, but instead the puck was crossed to an open forward on the other side of the slot. The net was gaping, and he fired a wrister on goal, about three feet off the ice.
Totally out of the play, Sterner decided to try and make it look good by diving across the crease and flailing at the air with his goal stick. Unbelievably, the puck hit the paddle of Sterner's stick and rolled to the corner. It was easily the luckiest save Sterner has made in his 51 years on Earth.
How lucky? Let's put it this way: it was Nigel Richardson lucky.



The guy must be hung like a water buffalo- it's the only thing that makes sense
The five on three power play continued and the puck was passed out to the right point. Somehow the puck got past the Cobra Kai defenseman there and and rolled to center ice. 19 year old Michael Heaton, whose father and linemate Dennis had shattered his ankle a few weeks ago and had to miss the playoffs, beat everyone to the puck and skated in alone on Yerks, who had strayed too far out of his crease.

Heaton made one quick move on Yerks, and tucked the puck smoothly into the open net. In a matter of 20 seconds, what should have been a 6-3 lead for Cobra Kai turned into a slim 5-4 margin heading to the final period.

The game completely changed in those 20 seconds.

Game over? Bullshit- how about game on?
With new life, now the Dawgs found a new gear. With around 10 minutes remaining The Virgin Eric Schlie, who this week censored a certain blog writer from his Facebook pictures and will pay dearly for that mistake, got open and fired a hard wrist shot from the top of the right circle. The puck got through Yerks and into the net, and suddenly it was anyone's game at 5-5.

Cobra Kai had been the best team in the playoffs, and they showed that for the next few minutes as they pressed to take back the lead. In fact, two times forward Tom DiNardo, one of the fastest players in the EAHL, broke through the Dawgs defense and was steaming alone towards goal.

But it was a night for miracles, and the Dawgs had one more left in them. It was more unlikely than Heaton's goal with his team two men down. It was even more unlikely than Sterner knocking a sure goal out of the air with his stick.

Shaun Hollis backchecked.

Hollis

Hollis, who hadn't actually been in the Dawgs defensive zone since 2006, caught DiNardo both times and bodied him off the puck. After clearing the puck the second time, he even took a brief moment to introduce himself to goalie Al Sterner.

There is a term that is often used by the Dawgs: "Forecheck+Backcheck=Paycheck". The Hockey Gods must believe that as well, because they rewarded Hollis for his defensive effort with three minutes left in the title match.

Hollis picked up a loose puck in the neutral zone, and cruised into the Cobra Kai end. He accelerated past DiNardo, beating him one more time, cut in front of the net, and lifted the puck over a fallen Yerks and into the top of the goal. It was the cherry on top of the best game he has ever played as a member of Dawg Nation. (See video of goal below this story)
(Writer's note- This is really strange- I'm not used to writing something nice about that skinny bastard kid. I usually just put his head on pictures like this:

But what the fuck, he backchecked, had a terrific assist and scored the game winner. So here's your props, son. Enjoy this moment-it will never happen again.)
Cobra Kai got just one more good chance to score, and it came with only a few seconds remaining in the game. But Sterner managed to fall in front of the puck for a final time, and the ending buzzer sounded a moment later. And it was time for Sterner and Marty Richardson to enjoy a loving, little man embrace that would last well into the night.


"No, I'm not wearing a cup. What you're feeling is all me, baby..."
It is important to note that the Cobra Kai players stayed on the ice as the cup was being awarded, and tapped their sticks on the ice as the Dawgs celebrated their championship. It did not go unnoticed, and Cobra Kai will always be a welcome member of Dawg Nation. You're all class, boys.

Look at them back there- nobody else would do that
So this unlikely bunch of Dawgs, ranging in age from 19 to 51, won their first winter Edge Cup. It was a season that featured the highs of new children and engagements, to the lows of major injuries and life threatening illnesses. Winning the cup is a terrific bonus, but the best thing about Dawg Nation is the sense of being a part of a family. A very strange family, to be sure, but a family nonetheless.



In other Dawgs news:
This week Professor Haywood Jablomee of M.I.T. calculated the odds of goalie Al Sterner ever making another save where he knocks the puck out of the air with his goal stick. He said, "After extensive research, I've determined the odds to be precisely no fucking way to one".


Professor Jablomee
Dawgs forward Brad Stabio is considering a new career as an actor in adult films. Here he models the necessary fake porn mustache, using hair trimmed from the balls of a Turkish man.


Stabs, you just keep lobbing them up there for me.

This week the source of Marty Richardson's success in the championship game was discovered. Not one person was surprised.


Richardson's soul, left

The Dawgs victory was great news to forward Daniel Pham. Wracked with guilt over missing the game, and anticipating a Dawgs loss, Pham had already begun to take his own life- Asian style.



Dawgs forward Josh Adams celebrated the cup win by partying with two pretty girls... and E.T.


"Phone....home..."

Forward Eric Schlie this week celebrated winning the Edge Cup by trying once again to lose his virginity. He might not have picked the best partner.


Do not ever, ever censor me from your Facebook pictures, sonny. This is tame compared to what's coming until you unfreeze me. You don't want this. I'm twisted-ask anyone.