Old Dawgs Start Summer With 6-1 Win

The Old Dawgs, who last month won the first SDOHL Trophy given to the winter league champions, picked up right where they left off last Thursday night. Featuring a mix of the core group from last season and several solid new additions, the team looked like they never skipped a beat, skating away with a 6-1 victory over B&K Supply.

Last year's league leading scorer Tito Pijanowski, who plays defense like old people screw (badly and not very often), started his summer campaign in fine style, netting a three goal hat trick. Eddie Cribbs, who moved from defense to forward this summer, and new Dawg Greg Clinard each scored a goal and added an assist.

And defenseman Nigel Richardson got his first goal of the summer, capitalizing on one of his patented end to end rushes in the third period, proving yet again that he is the best Richardson on the team.

Goalie Al Sterner, who somehow found a way to stop a slapshot with his eye a few weeks ago in practice, used various other parts of his huskiness to make 20 saves and pick up the win. If he continues his success, he may eventually justify Dawgs captain Marty Richardson's brave decision to go out on a limb and select him in the 12th round of this year's SDOHL draft.


In case you were wondering- yeah, that hurt like a bitch

The Dawgs, much like they did most of last season, got on the board first Thursday night, when Eddie Cribbs converted a pass from Clinard, and shot the puck past B&K goalie Mike Broad. That lead lasted only about six minutes, before B&K's Keith Sobel gathered a loose puck in front of the Dawgs' net, and fired one through Sterner's giant five hole to equalize.

Then at the 15 minute mark of the first, Pijanowski received a pass from Cribbs, and found the back of the net for what would be the game winning goal.


The Polish Prince

The game stayed at 2-1 for much of the second period, and then Pijanowski doubled the Old Dawgs lead at the 12 minute mark, cashing in after skating the length of the ice. He made his standard move, cutting across the net, and then wristed a shot through Broad's pads.

Three minutes later, Greg Clinard skated into the B&K zone after receiving a pass from yet another new Dawg Mario Lopez.


No, not that Mario Lopez. Ours craps bigger than this guy...

Clinard skated across the blue line, found some space to wind up for a slapshot, and blasted a laser into the top corner past a stunned Broad, who never even moved to make a save. It appears that Clinard could end up having the hardest shot in the SDOHL this season, which is a little like being the smartest Polack. It doesn't take that much.


Case in point...

The Dawgs extended their lead to 5-1 five minutes into the third, when Nigel Richardson, summoning the energy usually reserved for his lovely girlfriend Kelly, took the puck from his own blue line, and dashed into the B&K zone. He skated past the last defenseman, and tucked a beauty past Broad to essentially put the game away.


Nope...not his daughter

Pijanowski completed his hatty just a few minutes before the end, and the Old Dawgs were off and running for the new summer season. Although they were outshot by a 21-18 margin, the good guys had the majority of the quality scoring chances, and capitalized on most of them.

The Old Dawgs will try to extend to 2-0 this Thursday night, when they take on the Wasabi team, which also won it's first game. Game time is 8:45.

In other Old Dawgs news:

This week, the Old Dawgs welcomed 68 year old Mike "Sully" Sullivan to the team. A Viet Nam veteran, Sully has now played hockey in six different decades, and looks a little like former AWA wrestling champion The Crusher.


Welcome to Dawg Nation, Sully...

This week, Touchstone Imaging goalie Timmy Kmetz, who also plays for Dawg Nation at The Edge, complained of a possible groin strain, resulting from having too large of a penis. Further investigation uncovered Kmetz protective cup, which casts doubts on whether this is a true story.

Both testicles fit in there as well...

This week Old Dawgs captain and former spooge collector Marty Richardson missed the team's first game. He was showing off his new Dawgs tattoo, and accidentally gave himself a sleeper hold, rendering him unconscious before the contest.


Biceps measurement: 3.75 inches

Having not had sex for many years, this week Old Dawgs forward Eddie Cribbs stood next to Dawgs II forward Danny Packard, and quietly imagined that turned sideways, Packard's face would make a perfect vagina. Except for, you know, the teeth.


"I'll bet the carpet matches the drapes..."