Dawgs Bitch Slap Skanks To Go 4-0

The Dawgs I squad continued their perfect start to the winter EAHL campaign Tuesday night, breaking open a close game in the third period and romping to a convincing 9-2 win against the Skanks. It was a small measure of revenge for the Dawgs, as they defeated the team that took them out of the summer league playoffs back in August.

The Dawgs featured a balanced attack, getting goals from seven different players. Only centers Dan Pham and Nathaniel Akell scored more than once, and the team played solid defense, holding the high-scoring Skanks to just a pair.

The Dawgs jumped out early Tuesday night, when Akell found himself skating in on a breakaway, and completely undressed opposing goalie Mark Jacobsen, tucking the puck past his quivering carcass.

A few minutes later, Pham doubled the lead for the Dawgs, poking home a rebound from rookie linemate Tyson Dale. Whether playing center or defense, as he did last week against Dr. Five Hole, Pham has managed to remain consistently Asian for the entire season. And just cute as a button.


Pham

Before the end of the period, the Skanks struck back to cut the lead in half, as forward Eric Allen tipped a centering pass by Dawgs goalie Al Sterner.

A few minutes into the second, Dawgs forward Matt McGarvey banged one past Jacobsen to restore the two goal lead. Then, after Skanks winger Spencer Tscherpel made Sterner look like a complete boner on a breakaway, finding his massive five-hole, the Dawgs went back up again by a pair when Danny Packard scored his fourth of the young season.

Packard is playing his first winter season in several years after finally graduating from the Colorado State University at Pueblo. Packard is the first member of his family to achieve a four year degree, although it did take him just a shade under a decade to get it.


Future business giant

So beginning the third, it was 4-2 and still anyone's contest. But matters were quickly settled when the Dawgs exploded for five unanswered goals to put the game way out of reach. Akell scored his second of the game, new linemates Dennis Heaton and rookie Josh Adams each got one, Dale stuffed in his fourth of the season, and Pham completed the romp with his second of the contest and fourth of the winter campaign.

Heaton's goal was especially satifying, considering that he is 15 years older than the combined age of his two linemates.


Heaton, right

Now 4-0 on the new season, the Dawgs are the only undefeated team in the league. They face their toughest test of the fall this coming Tuesday night, when they play against an Ozone squad that has put up 12 and 13 goals in their last two contests. Which means:


There could be a lot of this...

In other Dawgs news:

Dawg Nation would like to give belated congratulations to the Dawgs II squad, who won another Edge Cup, taking home the 2009 summer league championship. It is quite an achievement, especially since the combined age of the team is 1639.


Click to enlarge. On second thought, don't. Jesus Christ...

Kelly Fraser, the teenaged girlfriend of Dawgs II defenseman Nigel Richardson, left her job as a stockbroker last week. She will now follow her lifelong dream of being a simple country hooker.


Will accept cash, hogs and chickens

Dawgs captain Marty Richardson rented his home in Ft. Collins this week to a group of Colorado State University cheerleaders. There was only one small stipulation as part of the lease.

Bending over was the easy part...

Because of a recent weight loss, a whole new career opportunity has opened up for Dawgs goalie Al Sterner.


Just try to get this image out of your head

Recent health problems have begun to plague the career of Marty Richardson. First, he received an arm injury that has hindered an already weak wrist shot:


Shake it off, pussy...

Then he received a high stick during a game that broke his front tooth:

In a totally unrelated matter, there has been a recent flood of visits to emergency rooms all over Denver, with hundreds of men suffering from a lacerated penis.