Young proctologist-in-waiting Josh Adams continued his hot play, scoring a hat trick, which gives him six goals in his last four games. Also, young Asian American citizen-in-waiting Daniel Pham added two, giving him seven in his last four contests.
Pham-scoping out some fellow immigrant ass
Semi-defenseman Tito Pijanowski kept his streak of good play going, putting in his sixth in the last four games, and adding two assists. Plus part time player and full time Democrat/Communist pinko Rhett Brantley knocked in his second of the season, and notched two assists.
Brantley, far right
Matt McGarvey rounded out the scoring with his second in the last three games, as he continues to bust out of that sphincter tightening, three month slump that lasted from late October until February.
The Dawgs now roll into the playoffs, where they'll open against a very good Ozone squad. The Dawgs took two out of three against Ozone during the regular season, but all were very close contests. Game time is 9:30.
In Other Dawgs News:
This week, in a special ceremony, the Edge Adult Hockey League (EAHL) handed out their regular season awards. Because of their successful season, many Dawgs received prestigious honors. They are as follows:
The Vagina Trophy- Named for the old Canadian goalie Georges Vagina, who tragically died in 1948 due to complications from a yeast infection. This is given to the EAHL goalie who sucks a little less than the others, with the lowest regular season goals against average. For the first time in a winter season, Dawgs goalkeeper Al Sterner won the award with just a stellar 4.6 goals against average in the wide open EAHL.
Less than five, baby...suck it, other goalies!
He just edged out this guy:
Lou "Gimpy" McDougal
The Golden Pussy Award- Given to the player with the least penalty minutes in the league. This year's recipient, with a total of zero penalties, is Dawgs captain and former bunghole buccaneer Marty Richardson.
Richardson's trophy
The Brandon Yip Award- Awarded for Most Valuable Asian Center. For the third consecutive season, the honor goes to Daniel Pham. Finishing a surprising second was the Dawgs Chris Acuna, who isn't Asian or a center, but is infatuated with Asian pornography.
<The Silver Rover Award- Given to the best player who plays no real position, but wanders aimlessly all over the ice. This season, in a unanimous vote, the award goes to Dawgs defenseman/center/wing Tito Pijanowski.
"Lord, Tito born ramblin' man..."
The Dickhead Award- Goes to the player who makes the stupidest play of the winter season. Goalie Al Sterner was the odds-on favorite, making perhaps the worst decision in the history of hockey by trying to pass the puck to a teammate while coming off the ice for an extra attacker. Sterner instead centered the puck directly onto the opponents stick, giving him an easy empty net goal.
Sterner
But Sterner got the award stolen out from under his nose just this past week, when young Dawgs forward Danny Packard proposed marriage to his girlfriend Amber, thus flushing the rest of his life down the crapper (see full article below this one).
Don't do it, son...
Said Sterner, "I thought I had the damn thing won. But I got beat fair and square."
Scooby Doo Award- This goes to the player with the worst facial hair in the EAHL. This year's runnersup are Michael Heaton, Matt McGarvey and Shaun Hollis who all specialized in the "Puberty Beard".
But for the fourth consecutive season, the Scooby Doo goes to Mike Abdella and his faggity soul patch.
There's no competing with this...
The Johnny Weir Award- Given to the player who looks the most gay in civilian clothes. This season for the first time ever there was a tie. The award will be shared by- Brad Stabio jerking off a random stranger while wearing a really stupid hat:
and Brad Stabio smoking a cigar with his son while both are wearing a really stupid hat:
Goddamn, I love Facebook...
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