It may be tough to fathom because he gave up 16 goals, but Kmetz was unbelievable for the first period and a half, surrendering only three. But with a massive total of 60 shots for the game, the Dawgs wore him down, and eventually an exhausted Kmetz could only wave as shot after shot went past him in the last half.
Dawgs goalkeeper Al Sterner spent most of the game doing what he does best- standing in one place with his thumb up his ass. Ozone managed just eight shots on goal, and Sterner gave up just one real tally, being beaten like a Saudi woman with an opinion on a breakaway in the second period.
What happened to cause the second goal? Hang on for just a little bit- funny story, that...
Besides scoring their highest total ever, the Dawgs set one more team record Tuesday night. Nine different players lit the lamp, easily the best ever performance from a team that only used 13 players for the game. Tyson Dale and future butt doctor Josh Adams each managed a hat trick, which also might be a team first.
But for all the goals that were scored in the game, the real story happened in the middle of the second period.
After the Dawgs had just scored to take an 8-1 lead, defenseman when the mood strikes Tito Pijanowski concocted a little plan with linemate Mike Abdella. It seems that Pijanowski took a little bit of offense when his goalie Al Sterner questioned his ability to coach junior hockey players the week before this game.
After the faceoff at center ice, Abdella dropped a pass back to Pijanowski, who was in the Dawgs zone. Instead of advancing the puck forward, Pijanowski took it right in front of the Dawgs goal, and backhanded a shot right between the pads of an unexpecting and stunned Al Sterner, and into the back of his own net.
At first Sterner and everyone on the Dawgs thought possibly that Pijanowski was confused, because after all, he is a rather stupid Polack. But right after he scored the "own goal", he skated near Sterner, and said, "That's for saying I can't coach".
It seemed strange to Sterner that Pijanowski would take offense to a passing joke, because he hadn't been particularly offended by previous comments and pictures that had been posted in the past several years. The following are just a few of those items:
Tito and old girlfriend
Tito and new girlfriend. They're wearing the same shirt- what are the odds?
Tito attempting sex with figure skater
Tito attempting sex with Siamese twins
Tito attempting sex with Dawgs captain's wife
Tito bobblehead night
Tito wearing crown after tourney win
But no, Pijanowski decided to take revenge over a simple joke. And in so doing, Pijanowski made his largest mistake since not aborting twin sons Mitchell and Michael when he had the chance 19 years ago. He has now incurred the wrath of a twisted goalkeeper with a blogsite, a vivid imagination, and too much time on his hands. Buckle up, Tito...
Proving that karma is a very real occurance, Pijanowski got hurt in the middle of the third period, when an Ozone players intentionally dove at his knees, and sent him crashing into the boards. He suffered a contusion on his left knee, and stayed down on the ice for 30 seconds, before heading back to his bench. As he passed the offending Ozone player who was already in the penalty box, something happened...
Uh, oh...
For the first time in two years, Pijanowski went through the transformation:
"TITO....PISSED!!!!"
Pijanowski then tried to enter the Ozone penalty box and tear most of the limbs off of the Ozone player. When he was stopped by both referees, several Dawgs teammates, and the National Guard, he tried to get at the Ozone player by entering his own penalty box, and crossing behind the scorekeeper, who was silently praying for her own safety.
At that point, the referees decided to send both players off the ice, and into their respective locker rooms. This was a very bad idea, because now Pijanowski would have access to the player with nobody to stop him. But finally, cooler heads prevailed, and both players stayed apart for the rest of the evening, but not before the Ozone player soiled his breezers.
After that, the Dawgs poured five more goals past Ozone keeper Kmetz, finishing with a whopping 16 for the contest. Kmetz deserved better, making a ton of spectacular saves, especially in the first half of the game.
The Dawgs, now 2-1 for the season, will take on Dr. 5 Hole Tuesday night. The two teams played the first game of the winter season, with the Dawgs prevailing 6-3 in a very fast skate. Game time is set for 8:40 PM.
In other Dawgs news:
This week Dawgs captain Marty Richardson...wait, I almost forgot. Let's start over, shall we?
This week Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski took advantage of the nice weather and got himself some sun.
This week Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski decided to stop playing hockey, and will now begin a career as a pairs skater with Olympic medalist Johnny Weir.
Holding Johnny like a bowling ball
This week Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski went to Wyoming to watch his son Mitchell play hockey. While he was there, he was able to date one of the local hotties.
He even wore a tie-nice touch
Later, after eating his date with a side of mint jelly, Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski went back to the hotel and satisfied his sexual desires in the usual way.
Doesn't have to feed this one
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