Sixty years later, there is a new saying: "Old hockey players never die- they just play in the Over 40 League. "
This winter, the new Southwest Denver Oldtimers Hockey League (or SDOHL- doesn't that just roll off the tongue) needed a sixth team to complete their membership. The league is being run by John Ling, who looks like Harry Potter's gay grandfather.
Dawgs captain and former East Colfax testicle drainer Marty Richardson gauged interest in both of the teams that represent Dawg Nation. Not surprisingly, there were plenty of players that jumped at the opportunity to get the fuck away from their wives for another night of the week, and in two cases, it was a chance to take a break from whacking off together while watching gladiator movies.
"Oh, Russell Crowe, you're so shiny!"
So now 15 players, with a combined age of approximately 1126, play on the newest representative of Dawg Nation. They are called the "Old Dawgs".
Possible new team logo
And it has gone very well in the first two games of the season. They opened with a convincing 8-4 victory against the Llamas, and last Tuesday night, they came away with a nice 5-2 win over Touchstone, which is led by former Dawgs player Ben Ziff and his magic Jew-Fro.
Ziff
The Dawgs are led so far by "defenseman" Tito Pijanowski, who has racked up four goals and four assists in the two games. Never a "stay at home" defenseman to begin with, he now roams the entire ice surface at Foothills Arena like a free range chicken, employing his patented one armed stickhandling technique known as the "Polish Snowplow".
"Tito do good...Tito make score"
Also off to a good start is Dave Chamberlain, who has a goal and three assists despite missing the second game. Right behind him is Bernie Levesque, who has lit the lamp three times, and continues to play despite ongoing pleas from his teammates to stop being French.
Captain Richardson has chipped in nicely with a sweet goal against Touchstone, and added two assists. But Richardson's most memorable contribution this season actually came before the game started last Tuesday night.
As he was skating out for the opening faceoff, Richardson pivoted, tripped over the center red line, and slid into the back of the referee's legs. The ref went down hard on the ice, and quickly assessed Richardson a two minute penalty for being a dipshit.
Richardson
And longtime Dawgs goalie Al Sterner, who turns 52 in a week, is now officially playing hole number 18 of his career (dogleg, with water down the right side). He hasn't exactly been stellar to start the season, but his team has scored enough goals to hold him up while he solves his immediate problem.
Sterner
But probably the best story of the new season has been the return of forward John Theilen. Theilen has been battling Hepatitus C, which he reportedly contracted from a Vietnamese hooker during the Tet Offensive of 1969. He has completed a series of treatments that weaken the body, and has bounced back, returning to the game he loves, even scoring a goal in his second game. All of Dawg Nation congratulates Theilen, and continues to root for a complete recovery.
Theilen
The Old Dawgs strap on the skates once again tonight, when they face Team Yellow at 7:15. The game starts early enough so that the team can get home in time to catch a rousing episode of Matlock before they go to sleep.
Yeah-Matlock!
In other Old Dawgs news:
This season the Old Dawgs welcome a new to player to The Nation, defenseman Chris Courtiol. He is already well liked despite having three strikes against him: he's way too tall, of French descent, and the brother-in-law of Dawgs forward Bernie Levesque. That's very difficult to overcome.
Courtiol
This week Old Dawgs forward Bernie Levesque bought a kitten, but not until he confirmed that it was also French.
Yep, it's French all right...
Old Dawgs forward Eddie Cribbs scored a goal last week against the Llamas. It was the first time this century that Cribbs has scored...at anything.
Cribbs
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