Dawgs Win 5-4, Remain Near Top

The Junkyard Dawgs didn’t get quite enough vacation time during the holiday season, so they decided to take just a bit more Tuesday night before getting back to work.

Approximately 22 minutes.

After falling behind 4-1 in just over a period, the Dawgs roared back with four unanswered goals, the last coming with 59 seconds left, to squeak out a 5-4 win over the Cobra Kai squad.

After scoring the game’s opening goal early on, the Dawgs gave back three quick ones in the first period. They then surrendered one more to start the second, digging themselves a huge hole. Aging goaltender Al Sterner was having trouble shaking off the rust from the holidays, and it appeared that it was going to be a long night.


Sterner-first period

If Sterner’s hockey career is a golf game, he is currently putting on hole number 17, a slight dogleg left with water down the right side of the fairway. But somehow Sterner was able to summon the energy of a much younger man, like someone that is 48, and he, along with the Dawgs defense, did not let another goal in for the rest of the contest.

Asked to comment after the game, Sterner said, “You kids get off my goddamn lawn”. He then soiled himself and had to be driven home.


Sterner

The Dawgs closed to within 4-3 by the end of the second period, after a pretty goal from teen sensation Matt McGarvey, who deflected a bullet slapshot from defenseman Dave Chamberlain. Chamberlain’s blast from the point was clocked at almost 23 mph, hurting the ears of everyone nearby when he shot.

Later, McGarvey would tell reporters, “I don’t know why I even tried to get in front of Dave’s shot. I’m way too pretty to take that kind of risk”.

After Jeff Wiemelt scored to tie the game in the third, the Dawgs went on a power play with just under two minutes left. At the one-minute mark, Wiemelt found McGarvey alone on the far post, and McGarvey made no mistake, one-timing a shot that hit the underside of the crossbar, and settled into the net. The Dawgs had the victory they needed to stay within range of the league leaders.

It was the 17th goal of the season for McGarvey, who recently married teammate Shaun Hollis in order to stay out of the Army draft. When informed that there was no longer a draft, McGarvey said, “That’s okay- Shaun’s really cute when the moonlight hits him just right”.


McGarvey/Hollis


In other Dawgs news:

Last week the Dawgs welcomed back defenseman Mike Pijanowski, who has made an immediate contribution to the squad. He has gone a combined minus-10 in the two games, setting a team record, previously held by Eddie “Hairy Palms” Cribbs. While he was away this season. he mastered the art of assigning blame:



Pijanowski

This week the team had to play without defenseman Mike Abdella and team captain Martin Richardson. Abdella did not listen to his aging body, and went snowboarding, the sport of much younger men. The result was tragic.


Abdella


Richardson was absent this week in order to attend the annual convention of the Financial Advisors Guild, who this year, in the spirit of international friendship, invited the Bank Officers of Yugoslavia to join them. Held in San Francisco, it was, for this year only, renamed the FAG/BOY convention.

In a special honor, Richardson, who remains a giant in the FAG community, was named the Keynote Speaker for the convention. In a stirring speech, he welcomed his European guests.

“I’ve always been proud to be a member of the FAG society. But now, I’m overwhelmed to say that I’ve been made an honorary member of the Bank Officers of Yugoslavia. So tonight I humbly stand before you as a FAG/BOY. A total and complete FAG/BOY!!”

Richardson was also named the Grand Marshall for the FAG/BOY parade:


Richardson-center


In a related story, the team revealed this week that Richardson will have to sit out this week’s game against the Ice Pack due to a sprained rectum. He is listed as day-to-day.