Dawgs Lose 2-0, Playoffs Start This Week

Going into last Tuesday's season finale against Sports Authority, the Dawgs I squad were leading the Edge C-2 league this season in goals with 116. But with a chance to move up to second place in the standings, and improve their playoff position, they instead filled the opposing net with a huge helping of jack squat, as they went down, 2-0.

The Dawgs finished the season at 14-5-1, good for third place in the league table. All of their losses came to either Sports Authority or the second place Llamas.

Soulmates Shaun Hollis and Matt McGarvey, who had teamed for a total of 43 goals and 67 points before Tuesday's game, this week combined for a total of zippity doo-dah, failing to put a puck past a goaltender that was older than both players combined.



McGarvey


Sports Authority netminder Daryll Stone, who at 47 was the youngest goalie in the game, saved 17 shots for the victory. He also led the league in total goals against, with just 60 for the season.

Dawgs keeper Al Sterner, who finished the regular season giving up five more goals than Stone, graciously accepted defeat after the game while speaking with reporters.

"Somebody suck my (expletive)!", shrieked Sterner, wiping away tears. "I could have got a shutout too, if I was only 47. Mother (expletive) punk ass kid!" He then fell asleep during a postgame bowel movement, hit his head on the bathroom floor, and had to be shocked back to life.


Sterner


The Dawgs now have a chance for redemption Tuesday night, when the 2008 playoffs start against Cobra Kai. It was announced that Cobra Kai will be without their leader Johnny Lawrence, who was suspended one game for sweeping the leg of Daniel LaRusso in the All-Valley tournament.


Lawrence


In other Dawgs news:

Team captain Martin Richardson returned from San Francisco this week, and announced that he had started a new career with some friends that he met on his trip.


Richardson, far left

Winger Dennis Heaton announced this week that his neck condition had not improved, and that he would definitely miss the playoffs.


Heaton

Center Jeff Wiemelt ended the 2008 regular season with a total of zero penalty minutes. In recognition of his accomplishment, he was given a special award by his teammates.


Wiemelt wins the "Bronze Labia" award


Winger Eddie Cribbs continues to strike out with the ladies. Research indicates that when Cribbs dates, all goes well until he gets the girl home, and she sees his penis for the first time.



Cribbs