In a night where it was raining goals all over the place, the Dawgs improved to 9-2 for the winter season last Tuesday night with an 8-7 shootout win against Cobra Kai. The wild game featured several lead changes, end to end action, and an improbable hero that led his team to victory.
Combined with Ozone's unexpected 7-3 loss to the Ice Pack, the Dawgs now occupy first place all by themselves with 18 points, plus they have a game in hand because of an earlier postponement. Ozone is two points back, along with Dr. Five hole, who will be the Dawgs' opponents for the next two games.
Some of the Dawgs' goals were scored by the usual suspects, namely Nate Akell, and secret lovers Dan Pham and Tyson Dale. Akell notched his eighth of the season, while both Pham and Dale drove home two goals each.
But the story of the night was the dream game turned in by Dawgs captain and former pork sword swallower Marty Richardson, who not only scored the last two Dawgs goals in regulation, was a plus-six for the evening, but tucked in the shootout winner to lead his team to victory.
Isn't he a happy little fella?
Goalie Al Sterner, after having a reasonable game the previous week, came crashing back down to Earth like Christa McAuliffe, surrendering a touchdown and extra point of goals. But it was a night where his teammates scored just enough to bail out their 51 year old netminder.
Sterner's game
The Dawgs always seem to have problems with their good friends from Cobra Kai, and Tuesday night was no different. Young Tom DiNardo made Sterner his personal bitch, scoring a hat trick, and Jon Jay put in two of his own, adding to his legend of being one of the top 10 Canadian players on his team.
Jay
The game was a seesaw battle most of the way, with the score being 2-2 after the first period, and then 5-4 in favor of the Dawgs at the end of the second. But Cobra Kai forged ahead 6-5 with just a few minutes to play, and it looked like they were going to win another close contest, just like they did a few weeks ago.
Then in one shift, Richardson changed the whole outlook of the game by scoring two goals. He was playing on the same line as Pham and Dale, which is a little like this:
Richardson floating, center
But Richardson made the most of the opportunity, stuffing his second and third of the season past Cobra Kai goalie Jeff "Circle" Yerks, and giving his team a precarious 7-6 advantage.
But that lead lasted only a short time, when Jay slammed a rebound goal past Sterner to level matters, and send the game to an overtime shootout.
This was the first shootout of the winter for the Dawgs, and they sent out two of their top scorers, Pham and Dale, to take the first attempts. Unfortunately, both young players gagged like they would if they attempted to make love to a female.
Meanwhile, Cobra Kai's Tony Garin found the Carlsbad Cavern that is Sterner's five hole, and they took a quick lead in the shootout. But DiNardo and Jay missed, leaving the Dawgs only down 1-0 with three shooters remaining.
Nate Akell stepped up next, and did what he has been quietly doing all season, scoring to knot the shootout. Then Shaun Hollis, returning this week after a concussion sustained from vigorous oral sex with the dudes, roofed the puck past Yerks to give the Dawgs a 2-1 lead.
Cobra Kai's other Canadian import, Jon Ripley, then shot wide, and the Dawgs had an opportunity to close out the game with one more goal. But who would take the all-important shot?
Marty Richardson? No shit?
Richardson skated in, made a quick move to his forehand, and slotted the puck past Yerks to complete the best night of his life. This easily surpassed his wedding night, because the penalty shot lasted longer than Richardson did in bed.
In other Dawgs news:
The medical marijuana that defenseman Rick Zimmat is using to help recover from painful hemorrhoid surgery is beginning to have some undesired side effects:
Zimmat
Dawgs forward Shaun Hollis this week decided to break up with his new girlfriend after becoming "confused" about their sexual relationship.
"What do you mean it's just a picture? I was going to jump on that hog!"
Dawgs goalie Al Sterner and his other team, Go Green, this week won the Boulder Valley Fall League championship at the Superior Ice Arena. Here he is being photographed holding the Wyman Cup:
"Number one, bee-yotch!"
Sterner led the league in goals against, with a 1.92 average. Asked why his goals against average was over two goals higher on the Dawgs squad in the EAHL, Sterner said, "Shit, Al can only think of one possible reason".
Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski
Sterner informed Dawgs captain Marty Richardson that because of his newfound success, he will immediately be holding out for a new contract. Until his terms are met, Sterner will not be wearing the Dawgs uniform.
Asked by reporters what his demands are, Sterner responded, "Al wants double what he got last season. Al deserves it. Now get out of Al's face."
Further research revealed that if Sterner's contract doubles, it will mean Richardson must now pay him eight dollars and give him two blowjobs instead of one.
"Al's open to an installment plan..."
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