The Dawgs I squad bounced back from only their second defeat of the EAHL winter season last Tuesday night with a solid 6-2 win against the Ice Pack. The victory makes the Dawgs 8-2 as the season hits the halfway mark, and ties the team for first with Ozone, even though the good guys have played one less game.
Forward Nate Akell bounced back from missing last week's game due to excessive body hair, pouring in his sixth and seventh goals. Center Dan Pham, coping with the fact that he's not even the best player in his family, also knocked in two, plus Danny Packard banged in his seventh.
But the real story of the game was the return of defenseman Rick Zimmat, who survived a surgery that no man should ever have to endure, and managed to fire in his first goal of the season to help his team to victory.
And for the first time this season goalie Al Sterner saved more shots than he missed, somehow turning aside 33 out of 35, and lowering his goals against average to a lifetime best 4.2. The two goals given were a season low in the EAHL, and this week his game was certified by the Pope as a miracle.
"Fatta boy, you five hole is thisa big! Shutta you fuckin' legs!"
For the first time in awhile, the Dawgs came out of the gate firing on all cylinders, and connected for four goals in the first period. Packard opened just a couple of minutes in, and after the Ice Pack's Kyle Kube replied on a rebound goal, Akell drove home his first of the game to make it 2-1.
Pham opened his account for the game in the middle of the period, skating in on a breakaway and completely undressing Ice Pack goalie David Jess to give his team a two goal lead. Pham has been playing with less confidence for the past several weeks, distraught that his 15 year old brother Tyler can skate circles around him.
Now playing junior hockey in Illinois, the young Pham has recently made a verbal commitment to the University of Denver, where he'll play for one of the top college programs in the country.
To quickly summarize the brothers' current situation, Tyler is 15, has his whole life in front of him, will play Division I college hockey, possibly someday becoming a professional player. He will receive a free education from one of the finest institutions in the United States. In addition, because he is a hockey player, he'll be waist deep in co-ed ass before he unpacks his bags.
Older brother Dan Pham sells copiers. His life revolves around fantasy hockey. He gets laid only when he can get linemate Tyson Dale drunk.
Pham brothers (Tyler, left). Guess who's life is better?
Before the end of the period, the Dawgs were on a power play in the Ice Pack zone. The puck was sent back to the point, where Zimmat was waiting. He then wound up and fired a blast towards Jess, which was clocked from the stands at a whopping 23 miles per hour. The puck somehow eluded Jess and found the back of the net, and Zimmat had his first of the 2009 campaign.
The fact that Zimmat was even playing was a minor miracle. Just a few short weeks ago, he underwent surgery to remove several hemorrhoids, making for a painful recovery period. Fortunately, Zimmat was able to access the giant bag of weed that he takes with him to the bench before every game, making things much more comfortable.
Zimmat and "medicine"
During the second period, the Dawgs did everything they could to let the Ice Pack back into the game, taking penalty after penalty. The team spent at least half of the period shorthanded, several times with two men in the sin-bin.
The Ice pack could only capitalize once on a power play, when defenseman Zach Osborne, a former standout junior player, stepped into a drop pass at the top of the left faceoff circle, and hammered a blistering slapshot over Sterner's shoulder, hitting the underside of the crossbar before going into the net.
"I caught a break on that one", exclaimed Sterner. "That puck almost hit me! That would have (expletive) hurt. I think it would have been intent to injure!"
The game stayed at 4-2 going to the third period, but the Dawgs continued their parade to the penalty box, leaving the game very much in doubt. But with around eight minutes left, the contest completely changed when 19 year old Dawgs rookie Josh Adams got into a all-out brawl with Osborne, gamely hanging in with a player that clearly had experience in hockey fights.
The skirmish lasted well over a minute, mainly because both referees went to the Dallas Police School for breaking up fights:
Jump in there anytime, fellas...
When play resumed, the Ice Pack was down to eight men, and their best skater was in the locker room packing his bags for good, as he would subsequently be ejected from the EAHL. Adams received a two game suspension, and was grounded for two weeks by his mom when he got home.
Somehow the Dawgs ended up two men short after the scrap, but killed all the penalties without any damage. A couple of minutes later, Pham drilled his second of the game to pretty much put things out of reach at 5-2. Right near the end, Akell also knocked in his second for the final tally, and the Dawgs were back on the winning track.
This week, the boys have a return match against their pals and Dawg Nation charter members Cobra Kai. The teams have split two games this season, with Cobra Kai winning a few weeks ago by a 5-4 margin. Game time is 9:20.
In other Dawgs news:
Dawgs forward Shaun Hollis should return to action tonight after missing the past two games due to Post Concussion Syndrome. Doctors have determined that Hollis suffered from having too many testicles bouncing off of his chin.
Just go slower, son...
Dawgs captain Marty Richardson this week celebrated his ninth anniversary with his wife Cindy. He gave her the special gift of being able to have sex with a real man-namely Tito "The King" Pijanowski.
"Tito like happy trail. Point right at target-help very much."
Doctors were amazed last week, when they discovered that defenseman Rick Zimmat's hemorrhoids bore a remarkable resemblance to Dawgs forward Brad Stabio.
This one may be over the line, even for me...
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