This was maybe the best football game I've ever seen (yeah, this is the real football). Newcastle United was down 4-0 to mighty Arsenal, which was the equivalent of being behind four or five touchdowns in American football. And then they came back with four second half goals, culminating in what you'll see when you click below.
Over the holidays, my kids showed me this YouTube video. I had seen the goal itself a hundred times, because it was from one of the most famous matches ever played. But I had never heard the broadcast from the Newcastle radio perspective. What you'll hear when you play this is an announcer named Justin Lockwood, and it will knock your socks off. I've never heard anything like it- gave me the goosebumps.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
I Don't Have a Teboner, Just a Quarter-Chub
For both of you guys out there that read this shit, you might have noticed that I've never written anything about the game of football. And there's a good reason for that. I know it's probably un-American, but I don't particularly care for the game.
In fact, around my house, we use the word "football" to describe what the rest of you cretins call soccer. I have three players in my house, and I played for 25 years myself, so we love the "beautiful game". We spend all of our Saturdays and part of Sunday watching English Premier League football, which is the arguably the best league in the world. Then, when it's on, we'll watch Champions League matches, featuring the best teams in Europe. It's just brilliant. The kids and I even participate in a fantasy soccer league. No shit, they have those.
And we don't watch the MLS here at home. After seeing the best football in the world, I just can't make myself watch the MLS. It's a much lower level and it blows ass. Sorry, Colorado Rapids, but it's true. It's just fuckin' unwatchable.
Anyway, I'm not going to waste our time trying to convince you to love soccer like I do. Most of you out there probably hate it, because you think it's boring, and they don't score enough goals. Fair enough. But next June, please take a look at the European Championships on ESPN. You'll see what the game is all about, and you'll get hooked. Plus, someday soon I'm going to write an article about how passionate soccer fans are, and how they compare to American fans. It's not even close, but that's a discussion for another time.
Now, I haven't always disliked American football. In fact, growing up here in Denver, I lived and died with the Broncos. Even in the 60's and 70's, when they were terrible, my friends and I would gather every Sunday, play football in the morning, and then watch the game in the afternoon. This continued until probably around the year 2000 (not the playing, the watching), and then I gradually stopped watching games regularly. The only thing that made me watch at all was participating in a fantasy league, because I have a big ol' Gamblin' Jones.
But lately, something has kind of made me more interested in the game. I've gotten pretty fascinated at watching the journey of Tim Tebow this year, and I'm starting to get sucked back in a little bit. In fact, for the first time in forever, I actually taped the Denver/Minnesota game last Sunday, and watched it later that afternoon. And enjoyed the shit out of it. I yelled and everything, and I haven't done that in years.
Just a quick note: If I watch football at all, it has to be on DVR. The biggest reason I won't watch the game is because every three minutes. they cut to a fucking commercial. It just makes me crazy. That's reason number 73 why soccer is better. They play 45 straight minutes with no commercials. Let's move on...
There is just something about this kid that makes you want to root for him. I think the thing for me is that if you just look at pure football mechanical ability, he probably shouldn't even be on the goddamn field. But he's one of those guys that just figures out a way to succeed by sheer will, and has the power to make his teammates play better, which is really rare these days.
I think the biggest proof of the last statement is the Broncos defense. It's basically the same group that was playing when they started out 1-4, but since Tebow has come in, they've played out of their minds, and the team is 7-5. They didn't get more talented- they're just playing harder. The whole squad thinks they can win now, and it's been fun to watch the change in the team. And it's only happened for one reason.
The other part that's fascinated me is how polarizing this has become across the country. Every morning, I wake up to three or four guys on ESPN2 screaming at each other about either how good Tim Tebow is, or how much he sucks. They talk about it every day. Why? This is one quarterback on a fairly mediocre football team, and these dickheads are jumping up and down, yelling like crazy.
While I'm working, I listen to a nationally syndicated sports talk show hosted by Jim Rome. And every day, especially lately, it's been mostly about Tebow. Why the crap does everyone care so much about this? What is it about this kid that makes everyone so passionate about their opinions? I truly don't get it.
For me, the reason I'm pulling for him is because I like his character. Character is a big deal for me, and the biggest reason why I hate basketball. Most of those idiots don't have any character, and can't spell the fucking word. Go ahead, basketball lovers, send me some more shitty emails, I don't give a rat's ass. I wish they would have stayed locked out forever. Fuck 'em.
But Tebow at least appears to be a nice kid. He's very polite with the media, and hasn't once taken an opportunity to show his middle finger to all the haters out there, including his boss, John Elway. So many guys would be looking right in the camera, and saying "Five in a row, bitch! Now shut the fuck up!" Not Tebow. Honestly, I'll bet he's thinking that, but he's doing a great job keeping it to himself.
There are a couple of things about him, though, that I could probably do without. He pushes the religion thing pretty hard, and it kind of puts me off a little bit. Don't get me wrong- I think if a person believes, that's terrific. I do myself, but I think it's more of a personal choice, and maybe he shouldn't bring it into every conversation and action on the field. It's probably just me, but I personally think God has more important shit to worry about than a football game.
The other thing is, I do not believe for one instant that Tim Tebow is still a virgin. Holy jumpin' smokes, have you seen his girlfriend?
Come on, now. Imagine you're 24 years old, you've never had any poonannie, and you come within ten feet of that girl's sweater meat. I'm not a doctor, but your balls are going to explode, right? They'd have to bring in a fuckin' haz-mat team to clean up the mess. Sorry Timmy, I'm not buying that one. In the worst case, she's giving you the old Pogo Pumper. I'd bet one of my kids on this.
So there you go. I'm back to watching football, at least the Broncos, for now. If they make the playoffs, I'll watch until they get bounced, and then I'll turn the game back off. I'll watch the Super Bowl because there's a good chance I'll be in some kind of pool, and it's the only time I ever watch commercials.
In the meantime, I'll be pulling for this good, decent kid to succeed. The thing now is, I think we're going to have him here in Denver for awhile. If Elway or Coach Fox tries to get rid of him in the offseason, there's going to be one hell of a revolt from the fans, and whoever would replace him won't ever have a chance.
Just ask Kyle Orton how much fun that is. I think he's working at a Denny's in Kansas City right now.
In fact, around my house, we use the word "football" to describe what the rest of you cretins call soccer. I have three players in my house, and I played for 25 years myself, so we love the "beautiful game". We spend all of our Saturdays and part of Sunday watching English Premier League football, which is the arguably the best league in the world. Then, when it's on, we'll watch Champions League matches, featuring the best teams in Europe. It's just brilliant. The kids and I even participate in a fantasy soccer league. No shit, they have those.
And we don't watch the MLS here at home. After seeing the best football in the world, I just can't make myself watch the MLS. It's a much lower level and it blows ass. Sorry, Colorado Rapids, but it's true. It's just fuckin' unwatchable.
Anyway, I'm not going to waste our time trying to convince you to love soccer like I do. Most of you out there probably hate it, because you think it's boring, and they don't score enough goals. Fair enough. But next June, please take a look at the European Championships on ESPN. You'll see what the game is all about, and you'll get hooked. Plus, someday soon I'm going to write an article about how passionate soccer fans are, and how they compare to American fans. It's not even close, but that's a discussion for another time.
Now, I haven't always disliked American football. In fact, growing up here in Denver, I lived and died with the Broncos. Even in the 60's and 70's, when they were terrible, my friends and I would gather every Sunday, play football in the morning, and then watch the game in the afternoon. This continued until probably around the year 2000 (not the playing, the watching), and then I gradually stopped watching games regularly. The only thing that made me watch at all was participating in a fantasy league, because I have a big ol' Gamblin' Jones.
But lately, something has kind of made me more interested in the game. I've gotten pretty fascinated at watching the journey of Tim Tebow this year, and I'm starting to get sucked back in a little bit. In fact, for the first time in forever, I actually taped the Denver/Minnesota game last Sunday, and watched it later that afternoon. And enjoyed the shit out of it. I yelled and everything, and I haven't done that in years.
Just a quick note: If I watch football at all, it has to be on DVR. The biggest reason I won't watch the game is because every three minutes. they cut to a fucking commercial. It just makes me crazy. That's reason number 73 why soccer is better. They play 45 straight minutes with no commercials. Let's move on...
There is just something about this kid that makes you want to root for him. I think the thing for me is that if you just look at pure football mechanical ability, he probably shouldn't even be on the goddamn field. But he's one of those guys that just figures out a way to succeed by sheer will, and has the power to make his teammates play better, which is really rare these days.
I think the biggest proof of the last statement is the Broncos defense. It's basically the same group that was playing when they started out 1-4, but since Tebow has come in, they've played out of their minds, and the team is 7-5. They didn't get more talented- they're just playing harder. The whole squad thinks they can win now, and it's been fun to watch the change in the team. And it's only happened for one reason.
The other part that's fascinated me is how polarizing this has become across the country. Every morning, I wake up to three or four guys on ESPN2 screaming at each other about either how good Tim Tebow is, or how much he sucks. They talk about it every day. Why? This is one quarterback on a fairly mediocre football team, and these dickheads are jumping up and down, yelling like crazy.
While I'm working, I listen to a nationally syndicated sports talk show hosted by Jim Rome. And every day, especially lately, it's been mostly about Tebow. Why the crap does everyone care so much about this? What is it about this kid that makes everyone so passionate about their opinions? I truly don't get it.
For me, the reason I'm pulling for him is because I like his character. Character is a big deal for me, and the biggest reason why I hate basketball. Most of those idiots don't have any character, and can't spell the fucking word. Go ahead, basketball lovers, send me some more shitty emails, I don't give a rat's ass. I wish they would have stayed locked out forever. Fuck 'em.
But Tebow at least appears to be a nice kid. He's very polite with the media, and hasn't once taken an opportunity to show his middle finger to all the haters out there, including his boss, John Elway. So many guys would be looking right in the camera, and saying "Five in a row, bitch! Now shut the fuck up!" Not Tebow. Honestly, I'll bet he's thinking that, but he's doing a great job keeping it to himself.
There are a couple of things about him, though, that I could probably do without. He pushes the religion thing pretty hard, and it kind of puts me off a little bit. Don't get me wrong- I think if a person believes, that's terrific. I do myself, but I think it's more of a personal choice, and maybe he shouldn't bring it into every conversation and action on the field. It's probably just me, but I personally think God has more important shit to worry about than a football game.
The other thing is, I do not believe for one instant that Tim Tebow is still a virgin. Holy jumpin' smokes, have you seen his girlfriend?
Come on, now. Imagine you're 24 years old, you've never had any poonannie, and you come within ten feet of that girl's sweater meat. I'm not a doctor, but your balls are going to explode, right? They'd have to bring in a fuckin' haz-mat team to clean up the mess. Sorry Timmy, I'm not buying that one. In the worst case, she's giving you the old Pogo Pumper. I'd bet one of my kids on this.
So there you go. I'm back to watching football, at least the Broncos, for now. If they make the playoffs, I'll watch until they get bounced, and then I'll turn the game back off. I'll watch the Super Bowl because there's a good chance I'll be in some kind of pool, and it's the only time I ever watch commercials.
In the meantime, I'll be pulling for this good, decent kid to succeed. The thing now is, I think we're going to have him here in Denver for awhile. If Elway or Coach Fox tries to get rid of him in the offseason, there's going to be one hell of a revolt from the fans, and whoever would replace him won't ever have a chance.
Just ask Kyle Orton how much fun that is. I think he's working at a Denny's in Kansas City right now.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Old Dawgs Escape With 2-1 Shootout Win
They may be in fifth place, but there's just something about Team Yellow that gives the Old Dawgs trouble. Back in late October, they gave the Dawgs their only loss of the winter SDOHL season, 2-1 in an overtime shootout.
Last Thursday night, it was the Old Dawgs turn, as they won by exactly the same score in a nail biting, nine round extra session. The two points keeps them three clear of Touchstone Imaging at the top of the SDOHL table.
Rand Peterson scored his third goal of the season five minutes into the final period to key the Old Dawgs comeback, and set the stage for the exciting overtime win. Goalie Doug Witschger, subbing for the rapidly falling apart Al Sterner, was terrific, stopping 25 of 26 shots in regulation, and all nine in the shootout.
The teams played a scoreless first period, but it wasn't for lack of shots. Team Yellow had 11 and the Dawgs had 10, but neither squad could find the back of the net. Team Yellow got the only goal of the second period, with Jay Johnson scoring from the point after the Dawgs failed in roughly a dozen attempts to get the puck out of the zone.
But five minutes into the final frame, Rand Peterson gathered in a pass from Old Dawgs captain and former rim job expert Marty Richardson, made a nice move on Yellow goalie Dave Maney, and tucked the puck into the net to draw his team level.
The game stayed even at one for the final ten minutes, even though the Dawgs had the best of the play, outshooting the opponent by an 11-5 margin. So just like October, the game would be decided by penalty shots. The one big difference was that this guy wouldn't be in goal for the Old Dawgs:
Yes, Al Sterner, who played the October shootout like quadriplegics fuck (which is not very well and sadly flopping around), would be cooling his heels on the Old Dawgs bench, nursing a very sore uterus. And thank God for that, as Witschger made save after save as the shootout rolled on.
The Old Dawgs experienced a very special moment in the seventh round of the session, when Eric Wilks took his turn. With a chance to be a hero and win the game, he skated right over the top of the puck as he crossed the blue line, and left the elusive black disk right there without ever getting a shot.
After Witschger made his ninth and final save, and wondered silently whether he was going to have to score a goal himself to end the fucking thing, up stepped defenseman Greg Clinard. Clinard, who works full time developing Ponzi schemes and jacking old ladies out of their life savings, skated in, actually bringing the puck with him (unlike Wilks), and did something none of the previous eight Old Dawgs skaters did. He made a goddamn move, instead of shooting directly into Maney's pads. When Maney opened his legs, the Nard Dawg calmly did something he can't do at home with his wife: he slipped it through the old five hole, and the game was finally over.
Nard Dawg, sporting trademark shit eating grin. Isn't he precious?
The Old Dawgs now have another tough test this week when they face off against the Coyotes, featuring solid goalie Ted Cetaruk. And it appears that Al Sterner will be back in net, so one goal will certainly not be enough to win this week. Game time is set for 9:55.
In other Dawgs news:
A religious man, Old Dawgs forward Eddie Cribbs spent time this week getting ready for Christmas in his own special way.
Eddie, ready to release his "Christmas mass"
This week Old Dawgs forward and war veteran Mike Sullivan participated in a reunion to commemorate the anniversity of the attack on Pearl Harbor. The other soldiers were angry when they discovered that Sully was actually a pilot in the Japanese Air Force.
"Bonzai!!"
This week Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner won the Vagina Trophy in the Foothills Over 40 Select League. The award, named for ex-beer league goalie legend Georges Vagina, is given to the keeper who lets in the fewest goals during the regular season. Because the league only plays a 10 week schedule, commissioner John Ling decided to present a smaller trophy, or "Mini Vagina".
The trophy has several uses
This week Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson finally decided to see what all the fuss was about.
"It's true! I'll never go back!"
Last Thursday night, it was the Old Dawgs turn, as they won by exactly the same score in a nail biting, nine round extra session. The two points keeps them three clear of Touchstone Imaging at the top of the SDOHL table.
Rand Peterson scored his third goal of the season five minutes into the final period to key the Old Dawgs comeback, and set the stage for the exciting overtime win. Goalie Doug Witschger, subbing for the rapidly falling apart Al Sterner, was terrific, stopping 25 of 26 shots in regulation, and all nine in the shootout.
The teams played a scoreless first period, but it wasn't for lack of shots. Team Yellow had 11 and the Dawgs had 10, but neither squad could find the back of the net. Team Yellow got the only goal of the second period, with Jay Johnson scoring from the point after the Dawgs failed in roughly a dozen attempts to get the puck out of the zone.
But five minutes into the final frame, Rand Peterson gathered in a pass from Old Dawgs captain and former rim job expert Marty Richardson, made a nice move on Yellow goalie Dave Maney, and tucked the puck into the net to draw his team level.
The game stayed even at one for the final ten minutes, even though the Dawgs had the best of the play, outshooting the opponent by an 11-5 margin. So just like October, the game would be decided by penalty shots. The one big difference was that this guy wouldn't be in goal for the Old Dawgs:
Yes, Al Sterner, who played the October shootout like quadriplegics fuck (which is not very well and sadly flopping around), would be cooling his heels on the Old Dawgs bench, nursing a very sore uterus. And thank God for that, as Witschger made save after save as the shootout rolled on.
The Old Dawgs experienced a very special moment in the seventh round of the session, when Eric Wilks took his turn. With a chance to be a hero and win the game, he skated right over the top of the puck as he crossed the blue line, and left the elusive black disk right there without ever getting a shot.
After Witschger made his ninth and final save, and wondered silently whether he was going to have to score a goal himself to end the fucking thing, up stepped defenseman Greg Clinard. Clinard, who works full time developing Ponzi schemes and jacking old ladies out of their life savings, skated in, actually bringing the puck with him (unlike Wilks), and did something none of the previous eight Old Dawgs skaters did. He made a goddamn move, instead of shooting directly into Maney's pads. When Maney opened his legs, the Nard Dawg calmly did something he can't do at home with his wife: he slipped it through the old five hole, and the game was finally over.
Nard Dawg, sporting trademark shit eating grin. Isn't he precious?
The Old Dawgs now have another tough test this week when they face off against the Coyotes, featuring solid goalie Ted Cetaruk. And it appears that Al Sterner will be back in net, so one goal will certainly not be enough to win this week. Game time is set for 9:55.
In other Dawgs news:
A religious man, Old Dawgs forward Eddie Cribbs spent time this week getting ready for Christmas in his own special way.
Eddie, ready to release his "Christmas mass"
This week Old Dawgs forward and war veteran Mike Sullivan participated in a reunion to commemorate the anniversity of the attack on Pearl Harbor. The other soldiers were angry when they discovered that Sully was actually a pilot in the Japanese Air Force.
"Bonzai!!"
This week Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner won the Vagina Trophy in the Foothills Over 40 Select League. The award, named for ex-beer league goalie legend Georges Vagina, is given to the keeper who lets in the fewest goals during the regular season. Because the league only plays a 10 week schedule, commissioner John Ling decided to present a smaller trophy, or "Mini Vagina".
The trophy has several uses
This week Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson finally decided to see what all the fuss was about.
"It's true! I'll never go back!"
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Old Dawgs Stretch League Lead With 6-2 Win
The Old Dawgs increased their first place SDOHL margin to four points last Thursday night with a convincing 6-2 victory over Touchstone Imaging. Playing maybe their best game of the year so far, the Dawgs scored early and often, and cruised home with a big win over the second place squad.
Old Dawgs captain and former anal spelunker Marty Richardson led a balanced attack, scoring his fifth and sixth goals of the season. Mike Freeman and Mike Wimmer both continue to impress, each scoring a single marker, Rand Peterson got his second, and defenseman Greg Clinard finally contributed something other than his shit eating grin, banging home his first of the 2011 campaign.
Nard Dawg
Dawgs forward Mario Lopez assisted on three of his teammates' goals, and now is fifth in scoring in the SDOHL with eight points.
Goalie Al Sterner, aside from letting in another of his trademark shocking goals, played okay for a broken down old fat boy, stopping 25 of 27 shots. He is now second in the SDOHL in both save percentage and total saves, falling behind some hernia ridden, punk-ass kid from B&K Supply that posted a 41 save shutout last week.
Screw you, Timmy. Your wife says I'm better in bed, so there.
Both teams came out flying in the first period, but it was the Old Dawgs that broke through five minutes in for the first goal. Mike Freeman, once again proving he's much smarter than he looks, parked in just the perfect spot in front of the net to stuff in a rebound from an Eric Wilks shot. It was his career best fourth goal of the winter season, and gave his team the all important lead.
Richardson doubled the Old Dawgs lead ten minutes later, taking a pass from the ever solid defenseman Dave Chamberlin, and drilling one past Touchstone goalie Vince Sciandra. Then Greg Clinard made it 3-0 right before the end of the opening session, slotting in his first from the top of the circle.
After Richardson nailed his second of the game three minutes into the middle period, things were looking great for the Old Dawgs with a four goal lead. But Sterner, after stopping all 10 Touchstone shots in the first, let in a howler at the four minute mark. Doc Lyons lifted a weak shot in from the blue line that bounced in front of Sterner, struck the tip of his stick, and delected right under the crossbar. 4-1, and new life for Touchstone.
Sterner
Things got less comfortable three minutes later, when Touchstone's Keith Horstman skated in on a breakaway, and beat Sterner like a Saudi woman with an opinion to cut the Dawgs lead in half. But Rand Peterson restored order for the good guys right near the end of the second, and the lead was back to 5-2 entering the third.
Even though Touchstone peppered the Dawgs goal in the final frame with 13 shots, it was the Old Dawgs that got the only tally, when Mike Wimmer wristed in his third of the year to seal the game. They are now featuring a very balanced attack, with five players in the top 12 in SDOHL scoring.
The boys now resume play after the Thanksgiving break, taking on Team Yellow, the only team to have blemished the Old Dawgs record thus far. Back in October, they defeated the Dawgs 2-1 in a shootout, when Al Sterner assumed the role of a big block of swiss cheese. Game time is 7:15.
In other Old Dawgs news:
This week Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan was caught cheating on his girlfriend Trina. Most say that if he was going to step out, he might have made a better choice in partners.
Goddamn, I love Facebook...
An old photo was uncovered this week, showing Old Dawgs part time player Rodney Saunders trying his hand at surfing in the 1980's. He abandoned the idea when he heard everyone asking, "When did Tom Cruise get AIDS?"
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson signed yet another endorsement deal this week. The product is an absolute match with his personality.
"You will never be truly happy...'til you eat some fuckin' Cappy"
This week the talented hockey players in the Pijanowski family got together for a group photograph. And they were also joined by Tito.
Sing it with me, kids- "One of these things is not like the others...one of these things just doesn't belong..."
Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan picked up an assist in the second period Thursday night. It was his first point of the season, and he has now scored in every decade since the 1960's.
Sully, circa 1968. Hasn't really changed that much...
Old Dawgs captain and former anal spelunker Marty Richardson led a balanced attack, scoring his fifth and sixth goals of the season. Mike Freeman and Mike Wimmer both continue to impress, each scoring a single marker, Rand Peterson got his second, and defenseman Greg Clinard finally contributed something other than his shit eating grin, banging home his first of the 2011 campaign.
Nard Dawg
Dawgs forward Mario Lopez assisted on three of his teammates' goals, and now is fifth in scoring in the SDOHL with eight points.
Goalie Al Sterner, aside from letting in another of his trademark shocking goals, played okay for a broken down old fat boy, stopping 25 of 27 shots. He is now second in the SDOHL in both save percentage and total saves, falling behind some hernia ridden, punk-ass kid from B&K Supply that posted a 41 save shutout last week.
Screw you, Timmy. Your wife says I'm better in bed, so there.
Both teams came out flying in the first period, but it was the Old Dawgs that broke through five minutes in for the first goal. Mike Freeman, once again proving he's much smarter than he looks, parked in just the perfect spot in front of the net to stuff in a rebound from an Eric Wilks shot. It was his career best fourth goal of the winter season, and gave his team the all important lead.
Richardson doubled the Old Dawgs lead ten minutes later, taking a pass from the ever solid defenseman Dave Chamberlin, and drilling one past Touchstone goalie Vince Sciandra. Then Greg Clinard made it 3-0 right before the end of the opening session, slotting in his first from the top of the circle.
After Richardson nailed his second of the game three minutes into the middle period, things were looking great for the Old Dawgs with a four goal lead. But Sterner, after stopping all 10 Touchstone shots in the first, let in a howler at the four minute mark. Doc Lyons lifted a weak shot in from the blue line that bounced in front of Sterner, struck the tip of his stick, and delected right under the crossbar. 4-1, and new life for Touchstone.
Sterner
Things got less comfortable three minutes later, when Touchstone's Keith Horstman skated in on a breakaway, and beat Sterner like a Saudi woman with an opinion to cut the Dawgs lead in half. But Rand Peterson restored order for the good guys right near the end of the second, and the lead was back to 5-2 entering the third.
Even though Touchstone peppered the Dawgs goal in the final frame with 13 shots, it was the Old Dawgs that got the only tally, when Mike Wimmer wristed in his third of the year to seal the game. They are now featuring a very balanced attack, with five players in the top 12 in SDOHL scoring.
The boys now resume play after the Thanksgiving break, taking on Team Yellow, the only team to have blemished the Old Dawgs record thus far. Back in October, they defeated the Dawgs 2-1 in a shootout, when Al Sterner assumed the role of a big block of swiss cheese. Game time is 7:15.
In other Old Dawgs news:
This week Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan was caught cheating on his girlfriend Trina. Most say that if he was going to step out, he might have made a better choice in partners.
Goddamn, I love Facebook...
An old photo was uncovered this week, showing Old Dawgs part time player Rodney Saunders trying his hand at surfing in the 1980's. He abandoned the idea when he heard everyone asking, "When did Tom Cruise get AIDS?"
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson signed yet another endorsement deal this week. The product is an absolute match with his personality.
"You will never be truly happy...'til you eat some fuckin' Cappy"
This week the talented hockey players in the Pijanowski family got together for a group photograph. And they were also joined by Tito.
Sing it with me, kids- "One of these things is not like the others...one of these things just doesn't belong..."
Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan picked up an assist in the second period Thursday night. It was his first point of the season, and he has now scored in every decade since the 1960's.
Sully, circa 1968. Hasn't really changed that much...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Dawg Nation Pounds Purple Cobras, 6-1
It took a little time, but the Dawg Nation squad seems to be back in decent form.
After a nut-crushing three game funk, in which they lost to Blue Line, Flyers, and Healthy Scratch, the good guys might have finally righted the ship. Two weeks ago, they played pretty well in getting past a shorthanded Big Johnsons team by a 9-5 score. But last Monday night, they played their best game of the season, completely dominating the first place Purple Cobras, 6-1.
The Canadian tandem of Jon Jay and Jon Ripley, who have been playing together since Christ was a Boy Scout, combined for five of the six goals. Dawg Nation's youngest player Loren "L.T." Toth notched his fourth of the season to round out the scoring.
Dawgs goalkeeper Al Sterner harkened back to his younger days, like when he was 50, and came within 21 seconds of picking up his first shutout since, well...ever. The entire Dawgs defensive unit and backcheckers were terrific in holding the Purple Cobras star Shaun Hollis scoreless for the first time this season.
Dawg Nation came out on their front foot in the first period, and scored three before the end of the frame. Cobras goalie Timmy Kmetz, who also plays for Dawgs I on Tuesday nights, was victimized by shots that were either point blank or rebounds that his defensemen couldn't clean up.
The Dawgs added two more in the second to make it 5-0, and the way the boys were playing defense and backchecking, it was pretty much game over at that point. Every time Hollis touched the puck, he had several players up his ass, especially former linemate and synchronized swimming partner Matty McGarvey.
McGarvey, top
Dawg Nation put up one more goal in the third to make the margin six, and the only question at that point was whether the old veteran Sterner was going to hang on to his clean sheet. But Sterner's fate was sealed at the end of the second period, when Dawgs forward Rhett Brantley said the word "shutout", and everyone but Brantley knows that's the kiss of death.
Brantley
Sure as shit, with 21 seconds remaining, a Purple Cobras player took a shot from the slot that beat Sterner to his stick side, and the dream was over. But on the bright side, the goal wasn't scored by Sterner's former teammate Hollis. In fact, it was the first game this season that not only had Hollis been held scoreless, it was the first game in which he hadn't scored at least a hat trick. Hollis just might be playing in the wrong league.
Hollis
Dawg Nation now has a huge game coming up Wednesday night, when they face their brother team, Dawgs II. Dawgs II will be out for revenge after losing this season's first Dawg Fight, 4-3 on opening night. Game time is 10:00.
In other Dawg Nation news:
Timmy Kmetz threw himself on a grenade last Sunday afternoon, playing in a special exhibition in which the best of Dawg Nation faced off against the talented junior team Yellowstone Quake. Despite Kmetz playing his ass off, the Dawgs got hammered 10-3, and Timmy has had a little problem shaking off the loss.
"Please...make...it...stop..."
Recently while in Europe, Dawgs forward/defenseman Brad Stabio was arrested for ventilating his balls over a storm drain while holding a baby, and wearing a really stupid hat.
You have to know the laws in a foreign country, Stabs
Dawg Nation forward Jon Ripley shaved his beard and just wore a mustache for November Men's Health Awareness Month (or Movember). He now looks just like a movie star.
But not from the waist down...
Dawg Nation captain Drew Johns has moved on from Movember, and is now sporting a beard that will celebrate Douche December.
Jesus Tap Dancin' Christ...
(p.s.- Goddamn, I love Facebook)
This week Dawg Nation's Colorado Avalanche liaison Jake Godber announced that he would be leaving the organization. He has signed on to do the sequel to the movie Anchorman, in which Ron Burgundy gets the AIDS.
Welcome to the blog, Jake. Uh...this picture just might come up again, by the way.
After a nut-crushing three game funk, in which they lost to Blue Line, Flyers, and Healthy Scratch, the good guys might have finally righted the ship. Two weeks ago, they played pretty well in getting past a shorthanded Big Johnsons team by a 9-5 score. But last Monday night, they played their best game of the season, completely dominating the first place Purple Cobras, 6-1.
The Canadian tandem of Jon Jay and Jon Ripley, who have been playing together since Christ was a Boy Scout, combined for five of the six goals. Dawg Nation's youngest player Loren "L.T." Toth notched his fourth of the season to round out the scoring.
Dawgs goalkeeper Al Sterner harkened back to his younger days, like when he was 50, and came within 21 seconds of picking up his first shutout since, well...ever. The entire Dawgs defensive unit and backcheckers were terrific in holding the Purple Cobras star Shaun Hollis scoreless for the first time this season.
Dawg Nation came out on their front foot in the first period, and scored three before the end of the frame. Cobras goalie Timmy Kmetz, who also plays for Dawgs I on Tuesday nights, was victimized by shots that were either point blank or rebounds that his defensemen couldn't clean up.
The Dawgs added two more in the second to make it 5-0, and the way the boys were playing defense and backchecking, it was pretty much game over at that point. Every time Hollis touched the puck, he had several players up his ass, especially former linemate and synchronized swimming partner Matty McGarvey.
McGarvey, top
Dawg Nation put up one more goal in the third to make the margin six, and the only question at that point was whether the old veteran Sterner was going to hang on to his clean sheet. But Sterner's fate was sealed at the end of the second period, when Dawgs forward Rhett Brantley said the word "shutout", and everyone but Brantley knows that's the kiss of death.
Brantley
Sure as shit, with 21 seconds remaining, a Purple Cobras player took a shot from the slot that beat Sterner to his stick side, and the dream was over. But on the bright side, the goal wasn't scored by Sterner's former teammate Hollis. In fact, it was the first game this season that not only had Hollis been held scoreless, it was the first game in which he hadn't scored at least a hat trick. Hollis just might be playing in the wrong league.
Hollis
Dawg Nation now has a huge game coming up Wednesday night, when they face their brother team, Dawgs II. Dawgs II will be out for revenge after losing this season's first Dawg Fight, 4-3 on opening night. Game time is 10:00.
In other Dawg Nation news:
Timmy Kmetz threw himself on a grenade last Sunday afternoon, playing in a special exhibition in which the best of Dawg Nation faced off against the talented junior team Yellowstone Quake. Despite Kmetz playing his ass off, the Dawgs got hammered 10-3, and Timmy has had a little problem shaking off the loss.
"Please...make...it...stop..."
Recently while in Europe, Dawgs forward/defenseman Brad Stabio was arrested for ventilating his balls over a storm drain while holding a baby, and wearing a really stupid hat.
You have to know the laws in a foreign country, Stabs
Dawg Nation forward Jon Ripley shaved his beard and just wore a mustache for November Men's Health Awareness Month (or Movember). He now looks just like a movie star.
But not from the waist down...
Dawg Nation captain Drew Johns has moved on from Movember, and is now sporting a beard that will celebrate Douche December.
Jesus Tap Dancin' Christ...
(p.s.- Goddamn, I love Facebook)
This week Dawg Nation's Colorado Avalanche liaison Jake Godber announced that he would be leaving the organization. He has signed on to do the sequel to the movie Anchorman, in which Ron Burgundy gets the AIDS.
Welcome to the blog, Jake. Uh...this picture just might come up again, by the way.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Old Dawgs Win Again, 6-2
With six games played in the winter SDOHL campaign, it's looking more and more like a two team race for the regular season championship. And last Thursday night, the Old Dawgs stayed a fragile point ahead of Touchstone Imaging by hammering the Over 40's, 6-2.
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson celebrated his return from his convention of the Financial Advisors Guild (F.A.G.) by scoring his third and fourth goals of the season. After piling up a ton of early season assists, Dan Cashman finally lit the lamp with his first of the year, while recent addition Rand Peterson also opened his account with his first.
But the real story was former University of Colorado quarterback Mike Freeman. With his family and friends from the frozen tundra of North Dakota in the audience, Freeman rose to the occasion and banged in two goals. It was the first multi-goal game of Freeman's young hockey career, and completely eclipsed every one of his achievments as a college football player.
Freeman
Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner returned from a groin injury just in time to be mediocre, but his teammates scored plenty of goals in helping him to his fourth win of the season.
Wow-hardly any net showing at all. Glove might work better actually open...
The game was only 35 seconds old when Freeman scored his first goal, taking a nice feed from Cashman, who picked up his SDOHL leading sixth assist. But the Over 40's equalized six minutes later, when Wayne Faust took a clean face off win by John Ling, and fired a wrister past Sterner.
The Old Dawgs hit the front once again just 1:15 into the second period, when Dan Cashman got his long awaited first goal of the winter season. He received a pass from substitute Frenchman Bern Levesque, skated in front of the net, and tucked the puck just inside the goalpost.
Cashman
The Dawgs doubled their lead six minutes later, when Marty Richardson converted a Jimmy Tiernan pass into his third of the year. But the Over 40's came right back at the ten minute mark, when Jay Scolnick found himself wide open with the puck in front of the net. He took his time, made a quick move to his left, then slid the puck under Sterner's outstretched goal stick and into the net.
Freeman made the lead more comfortable right before the end of the middle frame, when he got his second of the game. The two goals made his wife very proud, because even though she had been to many of the previous games in his athletic career, this was the first time he had actually made it off the bench and played.
The Old Dawgs put the game out of reach midway in the third, when Richardson took a great pass from behind the net by Eddie Cribbs, and converted a beauty into the top corner past Over 40's goalie Alan Callison. Rand Peterson finished the Dawgs scoring right near the end, making a great individual effort, and beating Callison for his first of the season.
The Dawgs now have a tough one coming up before the Thanksgiving break, when they take on a very good Touchstone Imaging team. Touchstone leads the SDOHL in scoring by a wide margin, and should give goalie Al Sterner and his tender groin a workout. Game time is 9:55.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Old Dawgs forward/defenseman Eddie Cribbs might want to take a different approach in his quest to meet women.
Subtle...
Defensemen Greg Clinard and Jimmy Tiernan showed this week that they are more than just partners during the game.
Geez, Jimmy, you can't wait for the locker room?
This week, after their final little league soccer match, Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson went out and got drunk with his daughter Alexi. They paid a severe price the next morning.
At least Alexi has her Scooby Doo ice bag. Bitchin' hair, Cap.
Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan joined in this week at the Occupy Denver demonstration. Unfortunately, he got a little confused, and thought he was at a rally to re-elect President Eisenhower.
It's starting to slip away, isn't it Sully...
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson celebrated his return from his convention of the Financial Advisors Guild (F.A.G.) by scoring his third and fourth goals of the season. After piling up a ton of early season assists, Dan Cashman finally lit the lamp with his first of the year, while recent addition Rand Peterson also opened his account with his first.
But the real story was former University of Colorado quarterback Mike Freeman. With his family and friends from the frozen tundra of North Dakota in the audience, Freeman rose to the occasion and banged in two goals. It was the first multi-goal game of Freeman's young hockey career, and completely eclipsed every one of his achievments as a college football player.
Freeman
Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner returned from a groin injury just in time to be mediocre, but his teammates scored plenty of goals in helping him to his fourth win of the season.
Wow-hardly any net showing at all. Glove might work better actually open...
The game was only 35 seconds old when Freeman scored his first goal, taking a nice feed from Cashman, who picked up his SDOHL leading sixth assist. But the Over 40's equalized six minutes later, when Wayne Faust took a clean face off win by John Ling, and fired a wrister past Sterner.
The Old Dawgs hit the front once again just 1:15 into the second period, when Dan Cashman got his long awaited first goal of the winter season. He received a pass from substitute Frenchman Bern Levesque, skated in front of the net, and tucked the puck just inside the goalpost.
Cashman
The Dawgs doubled their lead six minutes later, when Marty Richardson converted a Jimmy Tiernan pass into his third of the year. But the Over 40's came right back at the ten minute mark, when Jay Scolnick found himself wide open with the puck in front of the net. He took his time, made a quick move to his left, then slid the puck under Sterner's outstretched goal stick and into the net.
Freeman made the lead more comfortable right before the end of the middle frame, when he got his second of the game. The two goals made his wife very proud, because even though she had been to many of the previous games in his athletic career, this was the first time he had actually made it off the bench and played.
The Old Dawgs put the game out of reach midway in the third, when Richardson took a great pass from behind the net by Eddie Cribbs, and converted a beauty into the top corner past Over 40's goalie Alan Callison. Rand Peterson finished the Dawgs scoring right near the end, making a great individual effort, and beating Callison for his first of the season.
The Dawgs now have a tough one coming up before the Thanksgiving break, when they take on a very good Touchstone Imaging team. Touchstone leads the SDOHL in scoring by a wide margin, and should give goalie Al Sterner and his tender groin a workout. Game time is 9:55.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Old Dawgs forward/defenseman Eddie Cribbs might want to take a different approach in his quest to meet women.
Subtle...
Defensemen Greg Clinard and Jimmy Tiernan showed this week that they are more than just partners during the game.
Geez, Jimmy, you can't wait for the locker room?
This week, after their final little league soccer match, Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson went out and got drunk with his daughter Alexi. They paid a severe price the next morning.
At least Alexi has her Scooby Doo ice bag. Bitchin' hair, Cap.
Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan joined in this week at the Occupy Denver demonstration. Unfortunately, he got a little confused, and thought he was at a rally to re-elect President Eisenhower.
It's starting to slip away, isn't it Sully...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Hey, Who Wants Dessert?
So I was driving past my local frozen yogurt shop the other night. When I looked up at the sign, it sure made their product look a lot less appetizing:
Of course this cracked me up, because I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old. When I got home, I showed this picture to my oldest son Mike. We shared a laugh, but then we decided to take it one step further. We put our heads together and thought of some of the flavors they might be featuring. Since then, it has become kind of a family project, with contributions from most of the group.
So with apologies to Baskin Robbins, here are the 31 flavors on our menu so far:
Rocky Load
Man Nog
Nutterscotch
Spunkberry
Cum Raisin
Spermin' Chocolate Cake
Jamaican Jizz Jamboree
Tapioca Surprise
Cock n' Handy (you have to think a little on that one)
Money Shot Sherbet
Penis Butter Parfait
Wet Dream Supreme
Drained Nut Crunch
Jackoff Jubilee
Chocolate Malted Balls Milk
Asti Spew-Mante
Tooty Fruity Spooty
Red Rocket Ripple
Bubble Cum (available with cummy bears)
Blue-ball-berry
Banana Nut-Blast
Future Baby Batter
Oreo-Gasm
Not Your Mom's Rice Pudding
Uncle Tony's Immaculate Ejaculate
Climax Cluster
Two Scoops O' Goop
Grampa's Happy Ending
Dong Discharge Delight
Cream of Ralph
Vanilla
Immature? Oh, hell yeah, but we've been laughing for the better part of two days, so there's that, I guess. If you've read any of the beauty pageant or spelling bee articles, you already know that we're not exactly the Huxtable family.
Hey, if you can think of any other flavors, feel free to put something in the comments. We're a reader friendly blogsite- I'd love to see something from you guys. Use your imagination, kids.
Of course this cracked me up, because I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old. When I got home, I showed this picture to my oldest son Mike. We shared a laugh, but then we decided to take it one step further. We put our heads together and thought of some of the flavors they might be featuring. Since then, it has become kind of a family project, with contributions from most of the group.
So with apologies to Baskin Robbins, here are the 31 flavors on our menu so far:
Rocky Load
Man Nog
Nutterscotch
Spunkberry
Cum Raisin
Spermin' Chocolate Cake
Jamaican Jizz Jamboree
Tapioca Surprise
Cock n' Handy (you have to think a little on that one)
Money Shot Sherbet
Penis Butter Parfait
Wet Dream Supreme
Drained Nut Crunch
Jackoff Jubilee
Chocolate Malted Balls Milk
Asti Spew-Mante
Tooty Fruity Spooty
Red Rocket Ripple
Bubble Cum (available with cummy bears)
Blue-ball-berry
Banana Nut-Blast
Future Baby Batter
Oreo-Gasm
Not Your Mom's Rice Pudding
Uncle Tony's Immaculate Ejaculate
Climax Cluster
Two Scoops O' Goop
Grampa's Happy Ending
Dong Discharge Delight
Cream of Ralph
Vanilla
Immature? Oh, hell yeah, but we've been laughing for the better part of two days, so there's that, I guess. If you've read any of the beauty pageant or spelling bee articles, you already know that we're not exactly the Huxtable family.
Hey, if you can think of any other flavors, feel free to put something in the comments. We're a reader friendly blogsite- I'd love to see something from you guys. Use your imagination, kids.
Old Dawgs Stay On Top With 3-1 Victory
The Old Dawgs remained at the top of the SDOHL table this week, thanks to a gritty 3-1 win against B&K Supply last Thursday night. Their 12 points keeps them one clear of Touchstone Imaging, in what should be a tight race all season long.
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson was forced to miss the game, because he was in San Francisco attending the semi-annual convention of the Financial Advisors Guild (FAG). And team leading scorer Mario Lopez couldn't make the game until the middle of the second period, because he claims he has an important role at Sports Authority. Also, solid defenseman Dave Chamberlin was gone, leaving the Dawgs a little short on the blue line.
So when your two leading scorers are gone, and you're facing the toughest goalie in the SDOHL in young Timmy Kmetz, who do you turn to?
Holy shit- Wimmer?
Yes, forward Mike Wimmer, who only started playing hockey last year and has improved every time he steps on the ice, came through huge for his team by scoring his first and second goals of the winter season. John Thielen also popped in his first, and Dan Cashman added two assists, giving him five for the campaign, which leads the league.
Cashman
Goalie Doug Witschger, filling in for Al Sterner, who complained of a very mysterious groin injury, had a terrific game, turning aside 20 out of 21 shots. The Old Dawgs defense, including Greg Clinard, Jimmy Tiernan, Eddie Cribbs, and a split game by Lopez and sub Rodney Saunders, played very well in limiting the quality shots against Witschger.
The Dawgs struck first just under five minutes into the first, when John Thielen gathered a Dan Cashman shot, and slid the puck under Kmetz pads and in the back of the net. Ten minutes later, Wimmer got his first, when he stuffed in a rebound off of another Cashman shot to double the Old Dawgs lead.
The Dawgs got some reinforcements in the second period, when Lopez and Eric Wilks arrived. Now with 12 skaters, the boys made it 3-0, when Wimmer took a Greg Clinard pass, and fired a wrister to Kmetz' stick side. The puck snuck in just inside the post, and the Dawgs had an unlikely comfortable lead heading to the third.
B&K closed the gap to 3-1 six minutes into the final frame, on a goal by Dawgs II player Paul Schuette. But that was as close as the game would get, as B&K was held to only five shots in the period.
The Old Dawgs will try to continue the good play tonight, when they face the Over 40's at 8:45.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Tito Pijanowski's recovery from heart surgery isn't going as well as he'd hoped. Doctors say he may have lost a little too much weight while trying to stay sexually active.
At least the cheesy mustache is gone
Because of all his recent hockey success, this week Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan got an endorsement contract to sell a beer that nobody has ever heard of.
"Hey girls...does my pasty white body and tiny chest look good to you? No? Then you need to drink a whole lot more of this shit right here..."
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson surprised even himself, when he set a new record at the FAG convention in San Francisco this week. He was able to cram a grand total of four dicks in his ass.
Sweet muscle shirt, Cap...
Goalie Al Sterner claimed that he missed the game due to a groin injury suffered while playing earlier in the week. Further investigation has revealed that he was actually injured while performing his new part-time job.
"Love in an elevator..."
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson was forced to miss the game, because he was in San Francisco attending the semi-annual convention of the Financial Advisors Guild (FAG). And team leading scorer Mario Lopez couldn't make the game until the middle of the second period, because he claims he has an important role at Sports Authority. Also, solid defenseman Dave Chamberlin was gone, leaving the Dawgs a little short on the blue line.
So when your two leading scorers are gone, and you're facing the toughest goalie in the SDOHL in young Timmy Kmetz, who do you turn to?
Holy shit- Wimmer?
Yes, forward Mike Wimmer, who only started playing hockey last year and has improved every time he steps on the ice, came through huge for his team by scoring his first and second goals of the winter season. John Thielen also popped in his first, and Dan Cashman added two assists, giving him five for the campaign, which leads the league.
Cashman
Goalie Doug Witschger, filling in for Al Sterner, who complained of a very mysterious groin injury, had a terrific game, turning aside 20 out of 21 shots. The Old Dawgs defense, including Greg Clinard, Jimmy Tiernan, Eddie Cribbs, and a split game by Lopez and sub Rodney Saunders, played very well in limiting the quality shots against Witschger.
The Dawgs struck first just under five minutes into the first, when John Thielen gathered a Dan Cashman shot, and slid the puck under Kmetz pads and in the back of the net. Ten minutes later, Wimmer got his first, when he stuffed in a rebound off of another Cashman shot to double the Old Dawgs lead.
The Dawgs got some reinforcements in the second period, when Lopez and Eric Wilks arrived. Now with 12 skaters, the boys made it 3-0, when Wimmer took a Greg Clinard pass, and fired a wrister to Kmetz' stick side. The puck snuck in just inside the post, and the Dawgs had an unlikely comfortable lead heading to the third.
B&K closed the gap to 3-1 six minutes into the final frame, on a goal by Dawgs II player Paul Schuette. But that was as close as the game would get, as B&K was held to only five shots in the period.
The Old Dawgs will try to continue the good play tonight, when they face the Over 40's at 8:45.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Tito Pijanowski's recovery from heart surgery isn't going as well as he'd hoped. Doctors say he may have lost a little too much weight while trying to stay sexually active.
At least the cheesy mustache is gone
Because of all his recent hockey success, this week Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan got an endorsement contract to sell a beer that nobody has ever heard of.
"Hey girls...does my pasty white body and tiny chest look good to you? No? Then you need to drink a whole lot more of this shit right here..."
Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson surprised even himself, when he set a new record at the FAG convention in San Francisco this week. He was able to cram a grand total of four dicks in his ass.
Sweet muscle shirt, Cap...
Goalie Al Sterner claimed that he missed the game due to a groin injury suffered while playing earlier in the week. Further investigation has revealed that he was actually injured while performing his new part-time job.
"Love in an elevator..."
Monday, October 31, 2011
Old Dawgs Come Back Late, Win Shootout
It looked like it was going to be one of those nights again.
After losing a tough 2-1 game last week to Team Yellow in a shootout, it appeared that the Old Dawgs were headed in that direction again Thursday night. They trailed the Coyotes by the same margin late in the third period, as a result of two incredibly unlucky goals against Dawgs keeper Al Sterner.
But Old Dawgs forward Eric Wilks came to the rescue with just over a minute left in regulation, and captain Marty Richardson buried the shootout winner, as the good guys rallied for a hard fought 3-2 victory.
The result has the Old Dawgs back on top of the crowded SDOHL standings, with a 3-0-1 record. They are currently one point ahead of Team Yellow and Touchstone Imaging, and three clear of next week's opponent B&K Supply, featuring Dawgs I talented goalie Timmy Kmetz.
Well, he's more talented than he looks
Things got off to a bad start for the Old Dawgs halfway through the first period when the Coyotes Jason McGregor centered a puck into the crease from the goal line. The puck pinballed off two players, before bouncing into the net behind a perplexed Sterner to make it 1-0. The Old Dawgs outshot the Coyotes 7-6 in the frame, so they had high hopes of getting even in the second.
But the Coyotes doubled their lead six minutes into the second, on another weird goal. McGregor fired a rising shot from between the circles that hit Sterner high on his shoulder. The puck bounced straight into the air, bounced behind Sterner, and settled about two inches over the goal line.
The Old Dawgs cut that lead in half a minute later, when Mario Lopez skated out from behind the net, and tucked a low shot past Coyote goalie Ted Cetaruk. It was Lopez's fourth goal of the season, putting him for second in the SDOHL.
At the end of the period, Sterner proposed sacrificing a virgin to the Hockey Gods in order to change his luck for the third. But there was only one virgin available, and he wouldn't take one for the team.
Eddie Cribbs recently had his virginity reinstated due to non-use
The Old Dawgs pressed for the equalizer in the third, but it looked like they were going to come up short. Three penalties slowed the team down a bit, and Cetaruk gave no indication that he was giving up anything down the stretch.
But with a minute and a half left, and Sterner signaling to the bench that he was coming off soon for an extra attacker, defenseman Dave Chamberlin found Marty Richardson with a great pass breaking out the zone. Richardson broke into the Coyotes end two-on-one with winger Eric Wilks, put a pass right on Wilks' stick, and Wilks made no mistake, firing one over Cetaruk's right pad to level the score.
The last minute went by with the Coyotes getting the only chance at the game winner. But Sterner saved a bad angle shot with his face, and the Old Dawgs were involved in a shootout for the second week in a row.
Last Thursday, Sterner played the shootout a little like Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan makes love, which is slowly, and not very well. But this week, he found a way to get in front of all three Coyote chances, and it was all up to team captain and former dick garage Richardson to work his magic.
Richardson skated in alone, spotted an opening low to Cetaruk's glove side, and drilled a beauty just inside the post to give his team the comeback win.
Exactly one foot taller than crossbar
In other Old Dawgs News:
This week Old Dawgs teammates Mike Sullivan and John Thielen found an evening to spend together at the theater.
Old Dawgs forward and former University of Colorado quarterback Mike Freeman is finding it tougher and tougher to watch his alma mater play football this season.
Freeman
Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan found a part time job this week. He makes extra money by working as a chair cushion for fat girls.
Aren't you glad you friended me on Facebook, Jimmy?
Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner took advantage of the warm October weather last weekend, spending time cruising chicks at the beach.
"Who wants some of this hog?"
Last week, Old Dawgs teammates Greg Clinard and Marty Richardson played together in a hockey tournament in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, their gambling losses mounted to a point where they were forced to split a hooker.
They're both a little more buff than you'd think...
After losing a tough 2-1 game last week to Team Yellow in a shootout, it appeared that the Old Dawgs were headed in that direction again Thursday night. They trailed the Coyotes by the same margin late in the third period, as a result of two incredibly unlucky goals against Dawgs keeper Al Sterner.
But Old Dawgs forward Eric Wilks came to the rescue with just over a minute left in regulation, and captain Marty Richardson buried the shootout winner, as the good guys rallied for a hard fought 3-2 victory.
The result has the Old Dawgs back on top of the crowded SDOHL standings, with a 3-0-1 record. They are currently one point ahead of Team Yellow and Touchstone Imaging, and three clear of next week's opponent B&K Supply, featuring Dawgs I talented goalie Timmy Kmetz.
Well, he's more talented than he looks
Things got off to a bad start for the Old Dawgs halfway through the first period when the Coyotes Jason McGregor centered a puck into the crease from the goal line. The puck pinballed off two players, before bouncing into the net behind a perplexed Sterner to make it 1-0. The Old Dawgs outshot the Coyotes 7-6 in the frame, so they had high hopes of getting even in the second.
But the Coyotes doubled their lead six minutes into the second, on another weird goal. McGregor fired a rising shot from between the circles that hit Sterner high on his shoulder. The puck bounced straight into the air, bounced behind Sterner, and settled about two inches over the goal line.
The Old Dawgs cut that lead in half a minute later, when Mario Lopez skated out from behind the net, and tucked a low shot past Coyote goalie Ted Cetaruk. It was Lopez's fourth goal of the season, putting him for second in the SDOHL.
At the end of the period, Sterner proposed sacrificing a virgin to the Hockey Gods in order to change his luck for the third. But there was only one virgin available, and he wouldn't take one for the team.
Eddie Cribbs recently had his virginity reinstated due to non-use
The Old Dawgs pressed for the equalizer in the third, but it looked like they were going to come up short. Three penalties slowed the team down a bit, and Cetaruk gave no indication that he was giving up anything down the stretch.
But with a minute and a half left, and Sterner signaling to the bench that he was coming off soon for an extra attacker, defenseman Dave Chamberlin found Marty Richardson with a great pass breaking out the zone. Richardson broke into the Coyotes end two-on-one with winger Eric Wilks, put a pass right on Wilks' stick, and Wilks made no mistake, firing one over Cetaruk's right pad to level the score.
The last minute went by with the Coyotes getting the only chance at the game winner. But Sterner saved a bad angle shot with his face, and the Old Dawgs were involved in a shootout for the second week in a row.
Last Thursday, Sterner played the shootout a little like Old Dawgs forward Mike Sullivan makes love, which is slowly, and not very well. But this week, he found a way to get in front of all three Coyote chances, and it was all up to team captain and former dick garage Richardson to work his magic.
Richardson skated in alone, spotted an opening low to Cetaruk's glove side, and drilled a beauty just inside the post to give his team the comeback win.
Exactly one foot taller than crossbar
In other Old Dawgs News:
This week Old Dawgs teammates Mike Sullivan and John Thielen found an evening to spend together at the theater.
Old Dawgs forward and former University of Colorado quarterback Mike Freeman is finding it tougher and tougher to watch his alma mater play football this season.
Freeman
Old Dawgs defenseman Jimmy Tiernan found a part time job this week. He makes extra money by working as a chair cushion for fat girls.
Aren't you glad you friended me on Facebook, Jimmy?
Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner took advantage of the warm October weather last weekend, spending time cruising chicks at the beach.
"Who wants some of this hog?"
Last week, Old Dawgs teammates Greg Clinard and Marty Richardson played together in a hockey tournament in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, their gambling losses mounted to a point where they were forced to split a hooker.
They're both a little more buff than you'd think...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Great New Song from My Favorite Band
For those of you out there that aren't familiar with Airborne Toxic Event, you're really missing a treat. They've only been semi-popular for a couple of years, and you might know them for a recent song called Changing. I think it might be on a car commercial, or some other bullshit. Honestly, it's about the seventh best song on their latest album.
I've liked them very much since a song called Wishing Well, and it was the main reason I took my oldest son Mike and three of his friends to their concert at the Fillmore here in Denver a couple of weeks ago.
Holy jumpin' shit, were they good live. The Fillmore is a pretty small venue- almost like a large high school gym. Everyone stands up, and it has just a nice feel. It was perfect for these guys. There were maybe 2000 people there (with me being the oldest, by the way), but Airborne worked their ass off all night, giving a performance like they were playing in a stadium.
They're a five piece group, but the members play so many different instruments, they feature all kinds of different sounds. Plus they incorporate strings into their rock music, which I just love. There's a girl named Anna that plays the violin and sings backup- she's just incredible live. This clip shows them playing at the Disney Concert Hall, and they brought even more orchestra members in, which made the song even better.
In the bullshit era of hip-hop and rap, this group is refreshing. They look like human beings, and they're amazingly talented. Check 'em out if you get a chance.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Dawg Nation Hits The Big Time
Kids, if you regularly read my articles, you know that most of them are written for the sole purpose of busting the balls of my fellow hockey players in the group we call Dawg Nation. It's a fun hobby, and the boys seem to really get a kick out of it.
Dawg Nation is currently up to six teams in the Denver area, but we're not just beer league hockey players. A lot more inportantly, we're all part of a charity organization, formed to help hockey players, both young and old, that might have been injured badly, or have other serious medical problems. We put on charity events, like hockey or golf tournaments, and 100% of all proceeds go directly towards helping our fellow players that need it.
We're less than a year old, and already we've helped a bunch of people that have been hurt or sick. Recently, the Colorado Avalanche was so impressed by our organization, they've chosen to partner with us. What you'll see when you click the arrow below is our first 30 second spot that we understand will air on the Altitude Network, and hopefully during the Avalanche games at the Pepsi Center.
By the way, the spot was filmed by Dawg Nation's own Brad Stabio, and his production company. Brad had a short film that came in second at the Cannes Film Festival, so he knows his stuff. The kid did a terrific job, but please don't ever tell him I said that.
After you take a look, if you want to know more about our foundation, please click the link on the right side of this page. In case you're wondering, I'll be the goalie in white trying to execute a kick save without breaking a hip.
As much as I kill these guys on my blog, I've never been prouder in my life than to be associated with this group of people. Please enjoy:
Dawg Nation is currently up to six teams in the Denver area, but we're not just beer league hockey players. A lot more inportantly, we're all part of a charity organization, formed to help hockey players, both young and old, that might have been injured badly, or have other serious medical problems. We put on charity events, like hockey or golf tournaments, and 100% of all proceeds go directly towards helping our fellow players that need it.
We're less than a year old, and already we've helped a bunch of people that have been hurt or sick. Recently, the Colorado Avalanche was so impressed by our organization, they've chosen to partner with us. What you'll see when you click the arrow below is our first 30 second spot that we understand will air on the Altitude Network, and hopefully during the Avalanche games at the Pepsi Center.
By the way, the spot was filmed by Dawg Nation's own Brad Stabio, and his production company. Brad had a short film that came in second at the Cannes Film Festival, so he knows his stuff. The kid did a terrific job, but please don't ever tell him I said that.
After you take a look, if you want to know more about our foundation, please click the link on the right side of this page. In case you're wondering, I'll be the goalie in white trying to execute a kick save without breaking a hip.
As much as I kill these guys on my blog, I've never been prouder in my life than to be associated with this group of people. Please enjoy:
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Old Dawgs Squeak Out 2-1 Win
The Old Dawgs continued their strong start to the winter SDOHL season last Thursday night, just getting by a very good Touchstone Imaging team, 2-1. The hard fought victory leaves the Dawgs as one of two teams in the league that have 2-0 records.
Mario Lopez scored what would be the game winner early in the final period with his third goal of the season, while Old Dawgs captain and former turd tapper Marty Richardson notched his second with a nice breakaway goal. John Thielen and Eddie Cribbs each picked up assists in the tight, defensive game.
Goalie Al Sterner played better than his normal capabilities, stopping 23 of 24 shots, and winning against good friend and fellow Dawgs goalie Timmy Kmetz, who was playing as a substitute for Touchstone. In fact, Kmetz was on the ice for his sixth game in five days, still playing his way back into shape after recovering from his 47th hernia this past summer. Knowing that he was playing Kmetz, Sterner stuffed an extra horseshoe up his ass before the game, and it made all the difference.
They were silver when they went in.
The Old Dawgs got off to a great start just over three minutes into the first period, when Richardson put his team on top. The words "great pass", and "Eddie Cribbs" don't often collide in the same sentence, but the Dawgs defenseman, who is bravely battling back from a ruptured clitoris, lobbed a puck high in the air from his own zone, and right onto the stick of Richardson,who was waiting alone past center ice.
Richardson skated in from the left side, cut in front of the net, and sniped a beauty in the top corner over Kmetz glove. What made the goal even more amazing was that he had forgotten his normal sticks, and was borrowing one with quite a lot more flex. But the goal was terrific, and the Dawgs were off and running.
Borrowed stick
Unlike normal SDOHL play, the game stayed at 1-0 for two full periods. Touchstone outshot the Old Dawgs 16-8 through the two frames, but Sterner's horseshoes were working their magic. But it really looked the Touchstone was most likely to get the next goal heading to the third period.
But no, the Old Dawgs struck for the second time early in the final stanza, when Lopez deflected a shot from John Thielen, and through Kmetz pads to double the lead. Lopez' three goals now are tied for the top of the SDOHL, along with Touchstone's Mark Caldwell.
Lopez
Sterner lost his bid for a shutout with just over three minutes left in the game, when Bob Desmond banged one in after a goal mouth scramble. It would have been Sterner's first shutout since...well, ever. He managed to keep a good attitude about it after the game.
He's just showing how many goals they scored
The Old Dawgs now play the other undefeated SDOHL squad, Team Yellow, tonight at 7:15. The game has been designated as Tito Pijanowski Bobblehead Night, with the first 2000 fans receiving the souvenier.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Defenseman Greg Clinard missed last week's game, claiming that he had an ankle sprain. Further investigation showed that he actually shaved his scraggly beard and got a face lift, in an attempt to recapture his youth.
Uh, Nard Dawg? What the fuck?
A close look at the University of Colorado's football statistics during their 1990 championship season shows exactly how vital Old Dawgs forward Mike Freeman was to their success.
Just 1713 yards fewer than Bieniemy, But he kicked the shit out of Yago and Smith.
Because of all his success, this week Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson signed an endorsement deal with Pennzoil.
"Pennzoil! It's not just for cars anymore!"
Mario Lopez scored what would be the game winner early in the final period with his third goal of the season, while Old Dawgs captain and former turd tapper Marty Richardson notched his second with a nice breakaway goal. John Thielen and Eddie Cribbs each picked up assists in the tight, defensive game.
Goalie Al Sterner played better than his normal capabilities, stopping 23 of 24 shots, and winning against good friend and fellow Dawgs goalie Timmy Kmetz, who was playing as a substitute for Touchstone. In fact, Kmetz was on the ice for his sixth game in five days, still playing his way back into shape after recovering from his 47th hernia this past summer. Knowing that he was playing Kmetz, Sterner stuffed an extra horseshoe up his ass before the game, and it made all the difference.
They were silver when they went in.
The Old Dawgs got off to a great start just over three minutes into the first period, when Richardson put his team on top. The words "great pass", and "Eddie Cribbs" don't often collide in the same sentence, but the Dawgs defenseman, who is bravely battling back from a ruptured clitoris, lobbed a puck high in the air from his own zone, and right onto the stick of Richardson,who was waiting alone past center ice.
Richardson skated in from the left side, cut in front of the net, and sniped a beauty in the top corner over Kmetz glove. What made the goal even more amazing was that he had forgotten his normal sticks, and was borrowing one with quite a lot more flex. But the goal was terrific, and the Dawgs were off and running.
Borrowed stick
Unlike normal SDOHL play, the game stayed at 1-0 for two full periods. Touchstone outshot the Old Dawgs 16-8 through the two frames, but Sterner's horseshoes were working their magic. But it really looked the Touchstone was most likely to get the next goal heading to the third period.
But no, the Old Dawgs struck for the second time early in the final stanza, when Lopez deflected a shot from John Thielen, and through Kmetz pads to double the lead. Lopez' three goals now are tied for the top of the SDOHL, along with Touchstone's Mark Caldwell.
Lopez
Sterner lost his bid for a shutout with just over three minutes left in the game, when Bob Desmond banged one in after a goal mouth scramble. It would have been Sterner's first shutout since...well, ever. He managed to keep a good attitude about it after the game.
He's just showing how many goals they scored
The Old Dawgs now play the other undefeated SDOHL squad, Team Yellow, tonight at 7:15. The game has been designated as Tito Pijanowski Bobblehead Night, with the first 2000 fans receiving the souvenier.
In other Old Dawgs news:
Defenseman Greg Clinard missed last week's game, claiming that he had an ankle sprain. Further investigation showed that he actually shaved his scraggly beard and got a face lift, in an attempt to recapture his youth.
Uh, Nard Dawg? What the fuck?
A close look at the University of Colorado's football statistics during their 1990 championship season shows exactly how vital Old Dawgs forward Mike Freeman was to their success.
Just 1713 yards fewer than Bieniemy, But he kicked the shit out of Yago and Smith.
Because of all his success, this week Old Dawgs captain Marty Richardson signed an endorsement deal with Pennzoil.
"Pennzoil! It's not just for cars anymore!"
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