Until last Monday night, the most famous person born on Prince Edward Island, Canada was an actress named Martha MacIsaac, who is best known as the drunk girl that's trying to give Michael Cera a blowjob in the movie Superbad.
Quite the resume, Martha...
But now, The Forgotten Province has a new hero. Soon, this face will be on every magazine cover in Northeastern Canada:
Well, maybe not every magazine cover...
Yes, PEI's own Jonathan Ripley is now a hero to every drunk, stinking piece of shit fisherman on the island, as a result of his scoring six goals in Dawg Nation's 7-4 win over Beer Pressure. The double hat trick now officially sets a new record in the history of Dawg Nation hockey, eclipsing the previous mark of five by these two guys:
Dawgs I forward Shaun Hollis, left
Dawg Nation president Marty Richardson
Linemate Jon Jay screwed up a perfect evening for Ripley by selfishly scoring the other Dawg Nation goal. Ripley now easily leads the EAHL with nine goals, with the next closest being four. Jay has most of the assists on those goals, and his seven helpers are tops in the league.
As is almost always the case with Ripley, most of his goals were a matter of being in the right position for a pass from a teammate, or a giveaway from the Beer Pressure defense. This is truly a case of a player being much smarter than he looks.
Mason, why are you smiling? Your dad looks like a serial killer.
The Dawgs never trailed in the contest, and actually were up 7-2 after two periods. But as can happen in games like this, the boys took their foot off the gas in the third, and the score got closer than the game really was.
Now 3-0 on the new season, Dawg Nation is tied for the best record in the league with the Flyers, who are a group of hockey parents and coaches from the Foothills junior program. They will get a real test tonight when they play the Chiefs- the team that defeated them 3-2 in overtime to win the EAHL summer league. Game time is 8:45.
In other Dawgs News:
Dawg Nation Hockey board member Tito Pijanowski underwent open heart surgery last Tuesday, and is now recovering comfortably at home. Dawg Nation goalie Al Sterner summed up the feeling of every player on his team this week, when he sent Pijanowski a special get-well message:
This week Dawg Nation defenseman Brad Stabio produced and directed his first porn movie. His toughest challenge was showing his star the proper technique for effectively sucking a dick.
Goddamn, I love Facebook...
Dawg Nation would like to extend best wishes to forward Matt McGarvey, who became a father for the first time this week. He now has a daughter named Adalyn, but there might be some question as to who her real father is.
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