The Dawgs I team, after spending a month playing hockey like turds dropping out of a tall cow's ass, discovered a great time to find their game Tuesday night. Playing their best overall hockey of the season, the boys came through in the last game before the Christmas break, and destroyed a very good Misfits team, 6-2.
18 year old rookie Michael Heaton, despite being weighed down like an anchor by a new center on his line, scored his first hat trick in a Dawgs uniform. Matt McGarvey put in his 11th, Dan Pham tallied shorthanded for his 14th, and aging milkman Dennis Heaton made the AARP crowd happy by wristing in his eighth.
The Dawgs defense was terrific, limiting quality shots on elderly goalie Al Sterner, who lowered his goals against average to an anorexic 3.92.
But there was one key factor that brought everything together for the Dawgs. One thing that allowed the Dawgs to finally right the ship, and play to their tremendous potential. One little tweak of the lineup that would allow the team to return to greatness.
What was that one thing? Why, it was the absence of Shaun Hollis.
Hollis, serving a suspension for being the fourth man in a scuffle last week, spent the time off pursuing his dream, a new career in customer relations in Las Vegas.
Hollis
The Dawgs responded like they had been freed from a bear trap. They put in more goals than they had scored since October, which made team captain and former anal spelunker Marty Richardson consider some important changes before the Dawgs resume in January.
The Dawgs got off to a tough start in the first period, courtesy of their leaky old goalie Sterner. In the spirit of the Christmas season, he not only gave Misfits star Marc-Andre Piette the gift of a soft goal, he wrapped it up and put a pretty pink bow on it. Piette's shot from the faceoff dot hit Sterner right in the web of his glove, but somehow leaked out and trickled into the net.
Sterner has been using the same goalie glove for his entire career, and might consider making a change before the Dawgs come back from the Christmas break.
Lots of sentimental value-Gump Worsley jerked off in this glove
It stayed 1-0 until late in the period, when Michael Heaton cashed in his first of the contest, one-timing a great crossing pass from Dan Pham. It was a new game heading to the middle frame.
It stayed 1-1 until around midway in the second, when the Heaton boys went bang-bang for two quickies to give the Dawgs some breathing room. First, father Dennis converted an errant Misfit pass from the faceoff circle, putting the puck over the very good glove hand of goalie Tom Lester.
In the same shift, son Michael stole the puck deep in the Misfit zone, and made no mistake, putting the puck behind a visibly pissed Lester to double the lead.
Young Heaton
With just a few minutes left in the frame, Misfits forward Adam Cook converted a breakaway to make it 3-2, ripping a shot over the increasingly crappy glove hand of Sterner. It looked like it would be a one goal game going to the third.
Not so fast. With just a few ticks left in the second, and the Dawgs killing a penalty, Dan Pham skated the puck into the Misfits zone, and sent a laser wrist shot over the glove of Lester, and into the corner of the net. That made it 4-2, and took a lot of wind out of the Misfits sails with a period to play.
The score stayed the same during half of the third, but the Misfits were putting good pressure on the Dawgs net, trying to get within one. But with around seven minutes left, Matt McGarvey skated to the top of circle in the Misfits zone, and fired a wrister towards Lester. This time it was Lester's turn to give the Dawgs a present, as the puck hit the top of his glove, and trickled in behind him.
5-2 and game over, boys and girls. Be careful on the drive home.
With just a couple of minutes left, young Heaton received a good pass out of the Dawgs zone, and broke in alone on Lester. By that time Lester had pretty much thrown in the towel, and didn't put up much of a fight, as Heaton completed his hat trick to round out the scoring.
With an improbable Sublixators loss to the Llamas, the Dawgs now find themselves again alone in first place, with an 11-3 record. With five games left in the regular season, the team can only hope that they keep the form they've regained, and that Shaun Hollis' new career as a call girl takes off.
In other Dawgs news:
This week six month old Oliver let the entire world know what it's like to have Brad Stabio as his father.
We feel the same way, Oliver
Team captain Marty Richardson this week finally came through on his promise to get a tattoo if the Dawgs won the summer league. But his final choice left most of the team perplexed.
Dawgs II forward Eddie Cribbs is having trouble keeping up sexually with his new girlfriend.
Roll her in flour before you try the "Lotus position", Eddie. Then go for the wet spot.
In a Dawgs Christmas tradition, this week Dennis Heaton brought eggnog for the team gathering in the parking lot after the game. However, this year he made the entire batch himself. It took six months, and his forearm will never be the same.
Dennis makin' some "man-nog"
This week, Dawgs defenseman Tito Pijanowski was seen with a new female acquaintance. Pijanowski's last girlfriend broke up with him several months ago, because when they would go out on a date, he kept forgetting to bring the pump.
She was a keeper, Tito
Citing "team chemistry issues", this week captain Marty Richardson optioned forward Shaun Hollis to the Dawgs farm team, the Drooling Retards of the Edge Handicapped League.
Godspeed, Shaun
