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This Is Why Sports Are So Great

A few years ago (2007 to be exact), right after the Colorado Rockies had beaten the San Diego Padres 9-8 in 13 innings in one of the greatest games ever to make the playoffs, I wrote an article for my old website. I described how I watched the game deep into the night with my boy Sam, who was only 10 at the time.

We were the only ones left awake in the whole family, because the game went way past 11:00 on a school night. I wrote about how, when Matt Holliday tied the game up in the 13th with a two-run triple, and then scored the winning run a minute later, how we both were silently running around the room, jumping up and down like idiots.

It's a night I'll never forget.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you about that is that there have been four moments in the past few weeks that have been similar, and I'd like to try and make the same point I made three years ago.

First, let me tell you guys about the things that have happened recently:

For both of you that regularly read this shit, you've probably noticed that my men's league team, Dawgs I, just won the winter league championship. The videos and hundreds of pictures are a dead giveaway. Just look below this article if you want all the details.

I won't rehash everything, but we had to win two games in a row against a very good team in order to win the title. So we won the first one, 7-5, coming up with five goals in the third period after being down and out.

And a couple of nights later, we were down 5-3, and bounced back one more time to win the damn thing 6-5, getting the winning goal with three minutes left, and hanging on for dear life at the end. It was the best thing I've been a part of in over 30 years of adult league sports.

When the game ended, I threw off my glove and blocker, and the first one over was our captain and my best friend on the team Marty, and we bear hugged and jumped up and down like morons for a minute. The rest of team joined in, and we were all in one big mass of humanity, screaming like teenage girls at a Jonus Fags concert. It looked like this:



Keep in mind that while we have a lot of kids on the team (some still in their teens), some of our guys are in their forties, and there are even a few old fuckers like me in their 50's. But there we were, young and old, all in about a six foot circle screaming like idiots.

It was fucking brilliant.

Here's the next example. About a month ago, Sam's bantam hockey team (13-14 year olds) was in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin playing in a tournament. I'm one of the coaches on the team, mostly because nobody in the organization knows about this blog, or I'd probably be out on my ass.

Anyway, we lost in the semifinals, but had a chance to play for a big third place trophy Sunday morning before we flew home. It's important to note that this team, in five years of play, had won a big bag of jack shit when it came to tournaments and playoffs. They had never scored a trophy. Ever. But here was our opportunity.

Sam was in goal, and we were playing the local Chip Falls team for the hardware. It was a great game, and we were all tied up at 3-3 at the end of regulation. That meant six minutes of overtime to try and decide the winner.

We played the six minutes, and both teams had great chances to win. Sam pulled a couple of saves out of his ass to keep us alive, and we were still knotted up at three.

Shootout time.

Both teams would send four skaters on a penalty shot, one on one with the other goalie, and best out of four would win the prize. No pressure or anything- just a chance for my kid to win the first team trophy in his life.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Superbad, but there's a part where the guy that works at the liquor store shakes his head, and says softly, "fuck my life". So before the shootout, I called Sam over to the bench. He skated over, looked up at me, and said "Dad, f my life". I was proud he said "f"- I would have said "fuck".


He was saying "f my life" right there

I did everything I could to calm him down. Right before we left for Wisconsin, the team had shootout practice, and he stopped all 15 of our skaters without letting in a goal. I focused on that.

"Dude, you stopped every one of our guys last week, and they're a lot better than the guys your facing right now. You're good at these- just relax and have some fun. You got this." I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't as sure about it as I was.

They started the shootout, and of course their first skater scores. Nice pep talk, dad.

But we answered right back to tie, and it seemed to settle down Sam a bit. He stopped the next guy with his blocker, and we scored on our next try to lead 2-1. The next Chip Falls skater made a great move, but Sam stayed with him and made a beauty of a save with his left pad to keep it 2-1.

Now all we had to do was score on our next try and the trophy was all ours. But no, our player Chef couldn't convert, and it was still 2-1. They got one more chance to level it up.

I looked over at Sam, held up my index finger, and mouthed the words "one more". Their guy skated in, put the same deke on as the last player, and Sam stretched out that 28 inch left pad one more time.

He got his toe on it, and it bounced away. Game over.

Sam's normally really calm- it takes a lot to get him to show emotion. But he popped up, threw his stick and both gloves in the air, and started jumping up and down, spinning in circles while he jumped. Total euphoria.

Sam then got to experience what it's like to be at the bottom of a pile with 16 teenagers on top. He'd waited for so long to experience a moment like that, and it only happens a few times in a guy's life. If he's lucky.


He's under there somewhere

And I got to lean on the boards at our bench and just soak it all in. I've been his coach the whole time he's been playing, and I've waited many moons to see something good happen to him. Kids, it was better than sex.

So two weeks later, we're in the league playoffs against a team from Littleton that just happens to have Joe Sakic's son on it. Playoffs are single game elimination- you lose and your season ends right there. And we'd lost to Littleton both times we faced them in the regular season.

The game was tight the whole night. We scored early, and they tied the game in the second. And that was it. One apiece at the end of regulation. Now it was six minutes of overtime skating four on four instead of five on five.

Both teams had great chances to win in overtime, but both goalies were keeping everything out. Overtime playoff hockey, especially when the loser goes home, is the most intense thing I think that happens in sports. And the pressure a goalie feels is enormous. Any other player can make a mistake, and play goes on. The goalie makes an error, and it's time for the end of the year party.

They played the six minutes, and still no winner. In the playoffs, they don't settle anything with a shootout- somebody has to score to win. Except that starting the second overtime, they play three on three. Boys and girls, that is a lot of open ice when Bantams play three on three.

But unbelievably, nobody could still score. Sam stopped a ton of two on ones and breakaways, and the other kid was standing on his head in the opposite net. And you could tell that they were both exhausted.

Just seconds before the end of the second overtime, Littleton came down three on one, and got off a great shot. Sam slid over and somehow kicked it out, and our only player in sight slapped at it to just get it out of the zone.

It went right to our forward Mitchell, who was so tired he was still out of our defensive zone. Littleton had committed all three of their skaters on offense, so Mitchell was by himself. All he had to do was find the energy, and he had a clear breakaway. The problem was he was gassed, and there were less than 10 seconds remaining in the second overtime.

He turned and took off for the other end. I was watching the clock as he approached the goal. There were four seconds left when he crossed the offensive blue line. With two seconds left, instead of shooting, he deked the goalie and cut across the net to his left. The goalie opened his pads just enough, and Mitchell tucked the puck through his legs.

There wasn't a half second left when the puck crossed the goal line, but it was good as gold. The ref pointed to the puck signaling a goal, and all hell broke loose from our bench. Half the kids went to the other end to swamp Mitchell, and the other half tackled Sam. Sam was so tired, he could barely stand back up. He saved 42 out of 43 shots. That's a shitload of rubber for a Bantam goalie.

I asked Mitchell the next day where that goal ranked on the list of best things that ever happened to him. He said "Number one- nothing else comes close".

The last thing I want to tell you all about came two days later, when we played Arapahoe in the league semifinals. We all knew a win would give us a real shot to be invited to the state tournament. We also knew that we hadn't beaten Arapahoe all season, and had only generated 11 shots in each game. They were very good, and we were playing on their home ice.

We came out hot and got the first goal, but Arapahoe came back in the second and early in the third to score the next three. So with seven minutes left we were down 3-1, and there wasn't a lot of hope on our bench. I guess the easiest part for me was that Sam wasn't playing- it was our other goalie Mac's turn. Sam was standing next to me at the end of the bench- that's my spot to open the door and send out our defensemen.

With about six minutes remaining, Sam's best friend Ian ripped a low shot and beat their keeper to get us back to 3-2. Then we went on a power play with four minutes left, and our leading scorer Jacob rifled a beauty into the top right corner and it was a new game.

Now the kids were flying. It's amazing how the momentum can change so quickly in a hockey game. You can be getting your ass kicked one minute, then something good happens, and now you're the one doing the ass-kicking.

There was just over a minute left when my best defenseman Noah took the puck in our defensive zone and headed the other way. Normally about three or four times a game, he'll rush the puck up the ice himself and try to create a scoring chance. This was one of those times.

He beat their winger at center ice, and came into the offensive zone at full speed. He accelerated around their defenseman to the outside, and then cut back across the front of the net. He then quickly snapped a wrist shot that hit the very top right hand corner of the goal- the Arapahoe goalie never had a chance.

I've always been a goalie, so I've never been on the bench before when such an important goal was scored. It's tough to describe- it was almost like an explosion. The kids all mobbed each other, and the coaches that were down on the other end of the bench were going nuts.

As for me, I jumped up and down like a little kid. No shit- a 51 year old man literally leaping up and down. My car keys, wallet, cell phone and several erasable markers were strewn all over the floor behind the bench- they had come out of my jacket pockets during the celebration.

The best part was during about the third leap, I looked to my right, and Sam was doing the same thing right next to me. And he had mad hops for a kid in full goalie gear. He was getting big air. Then we grabbed each other and jumped some more. It reminded me of three years earlier, when Holliday came bouncing across the plate on his chin for the Rockies, and Sam and I were running around the room silently so we wouldn't wake everyone up.

But this time we could be as loud as we wanted. And you can bet your ass we were.

We ended up winning the game and getting invited to state. We'd never been past the first round of the playoffs before, but this team was going to freakin' state.

So now I've told you about four things that have happened, and I'm finally ready to get to my point. That's if you haven't given up because there aren't any of the usual goofy pictures.

The things that I've just described are some of the many reasons that sports are so goddamn great. I submit that there is nothing in this world besides sports that can make a person feel such pure, sudden, spontaneous joy. Nothing else can make a 51 year old man with bad knees jump up and down like a kid. Nothing else can make a parent scream for joy when their son or daughter scores a goal, hits a home run or makes a basket. And nothing else makes a group of 16 men gather in a six foot circle, hugging and screaming like idiots.

Nothing.

You might argue that you get the same feeling when your kids are born. Don't get me wrong- the days my kids were born were the best four days of my life. But we knew they were coming- there was no real surprise or spontaneity. There wasn't the same "it just happened out of nowhere" feeling. It really isn't the same thing, is it?

There's an 80's movie called Vision Quest, where a guy describes watching Pele score a goal one day while he was watching Spanish TV. He says "I started crying, because another human being can kick a ball and lift himself and the rest of us sad assed human beings up to a better place- if only for a minute. Kid, it was pretty goddamn glorious."

It really is. I'll leave you with one last example. You can always remember where you were when bad stuff happens, like the Kennedy assassination, or 9/11. But if you were alive at the time, can't you also remember where you were when this happened and how you felt at that moment that's in the picture?

Me, too. Talk about spontaneous joy...

BOO-YAH!!!

(click all pictures to enlarge)

DAWGS WIN EDGE CUP
What a week it has been for Dawg Nation.

First on Monday night, the Dawgs II team won their third EAHL C-3 division Edge Cup with a convincing 4-1 win over the regular season champion Blue Line Strategies.


Dawgs II- getting used to this pose

Then Tuesday night, Dawgs I gave themselves a chance to do the "Dawgs Double", and win their first winter EAHL title, coming back with five goals in the third period to secure a 7-5 victory over Cobra Kai (see full story of that game below). But because they were coming up from the loser's bracket, they still had to defeat Cobra Kai one more time in order to raise their own Edge Cup.

Finally, on Thursday evening, playing without a crucial player on both offense and defense, the 14 remaining skaters of Dawgs I summoned their best effort of the 2009-2010 season. They gave away an early two goal lead, then clawed their way back from a two goal deficit, and skated away with a 6-5 victory in a tremendously entertaining championship final.

The Dawgs were forced to play without leading scorer and Most Valuable Asian Daniel Pham, who unselfishly gave up playing in the big game in order to attend his brother's 21st birthday celebration in another state. And if that wasn't enough, they would also be without one of their best defensive players, Mike Abdella and his faggity soul patch.

So who would step up in the most important game of the season? Who would pick up the slack for a player like Pham, who had scored 26 goals during the winter campaign? Who would guide his team to their first EAHL winter Edge Cup?

Hang on to your ass, kids. It was this guy:


I believe the phrase you're looking for is- "You got to be fuckin' kidding me..."

Yes, it was none other than Dawgs captain and former flesh sword swallower Marty Richardson. Playing a regular shift in the game only because of Pham's absence, Richardson led the way for the Dawgs, pumping in two goals, and giving him a story to bore his tax clients to death with for years to come.
Matt McGarvey finished his huge playoff run by stuffing in a goal, while young Michael Heaton completely turned the game around in the second period, scoring while his team was two men short.
The Virgin Eric Schlie came through to tie the contest in the third, and Dawgs veteran Shaun Hollis scored the biggest goal of his career late in the game, converting the winner on a breakaway with three minutes left.
After a back and forth beginning, the Dawgs drew first blood in the championship game. Around eight minutes had elapsed when forward Brad Stabio gathered the puck behind the Cobra Kai net. He quickly found Matt McGarvey in the slot, and McGarvey rifled in a six footer to open the scoring.
McGarvey, who endured a midseason goal-scoring slump, bounced back huge in the playoffs, and was the only Dawgs player who tallied in all five postseason games. And nobody was more surprised about that fact than McGarvey.



Uh, Matty, this picture might come up a few times in the future
A couple of minutes later, Tito Pijanowski, who lines up on defense for the Dawgs and then it gets positionally fuzzy after that, fired a hard wrist shot from the top of the right circle. Cobra Kai goalie Jeff Yerks made the save, but the puck came right out for Richardson, who shot it right back into the open net to double the Dawgs lead.
Cobra Kai had been playing terrific offensive hockey during the entire postseason, and they weren't going to just go away. Late in the period, it took them one shift to pop in two goals and level the contest. They scored their first on a power play, knocking in a rebound after Dawgs goalie Al Sterner made the initial save on a shot from the slot.
Then maybe 30 seconds later, Cobra Kai's Tom DiNardo fired a shot from 20 feet that found its way through several bodies and into the goal, beating a screened Sterner low to his stick side. So it was a brand new game heading to the second period.
Five minutes into the second, the Dawgs recaptured the lead on Richardson's second goal. He one-timed a fantastic feed by Shaun Hollis from behind the net before Yerks could even react, and the good guys were back up, 3-2.
That lead didn't last for long, as Cobra Kai equalized on another power play just a couple of minutes later. Sterner again made the first save , but kicked the puck right out to an unattended Cobra Kai forward, who easily fired it back into the cage.
Cobra Kai got their first lead of the night three minutes later on a breakaway following a Dawgs turnover at their own blue line. Then a minute after that, they increased the margin to 5-3 when they poked the puck in after yet another scramble in front of the Dawgs net. They were totally dominating play, and the Dawgs were starting to show some subtle signs of defeat.


Well, maybe not so subtle...
Matters got even worse three minutes before the end of the second, when the Dawgs got two quick penalties and had to try and kill a crucial five-on-three disadvantage. If the Dawgs were to find themselves down three goals entering the third, it would likely be game over.
So Cobra Kai worked the puck around the offensive zone, and one of their forwards looked free for a shot to the glove side of Sterner. Sterner moved to the top of his crease in anticipation of the shot, but instead the puck was crossed to an open forward on the other side of the slot. The net was gaping, and he fired a wrister on goal, about three feet off the ice.
Totally out of the play, Sterner decided to try and make it look good by diving across the crease and flailing at the air with his goal stick. Unbelievably, the puck hit the paddle of Sterner's stick and rolled to the corner. It was easily the luckiest save Sterner has made in his 51 years on Earth.
How lucky? Let's put it this way: it was Nigel Richardson lucky.



The guy must be hung like a water buffalo- it's the only thing that makes sense
The five on three power play continued and the puck was passed out to the right point. Somehow the puck got past the Cobra Kai defenseman there and and rolled to center ice. 19 year old Michael Heaton, whose father and linemate Dennis had shattered his ankle a few weeks ago and had to miss the playoffs, beat everyone to the puck and skated in alone on Yerks, who had strayed too far out of his crease.

Heaton made one quick move on Yerks, and tucked the puck smoothly into the open net. In a matter of 20 seconds, what should have been a 6-3 lead for Cobra Kai turned into a slim 5-4 margin heading to the final period.

The game completely changed in those 20 seconds.

Game over? Bullshit- how about game on?
With new life, now the Dawgs found a new gear. With around 10 minutes remaining The Virgin Eric Schlie, who this week censored a certain blog writer from his Facebook pictures and will pay dearly for that mistake, got open and fired a hard wrist shot from the top of the right circle. The puck got through Yerks and into the net, and suddenly it was anyone's game at 5-5.

Cobra Kai had been the best team in the playoffs, and they showed that for the next few minutes as they pressed to take back the lead. In fact, two times forward Tom DiNardo, one of the fastest players in the EAHL, broke through the Dawgs defense and was steaming alone towards goal.

But it was a night for miracles, and the Dawgs had one more left in them. It was more unlikely than Heaton's goal with his team two men down. It was even more unlikely than Sterner knocking a sure goal out of the air with his stick.

Shaun Hollis backchecked.

Hollis

Hollis, who hadn't actually been in the Dawgs defensive zone since 2006, caught DiNardo both times and bodied him off the puck. After clearing the puck the second time, he even took a brief moment to introduce himself to goalie Al Sterner.

There is a term that is often used by the Dawgs: "Forecheck+Backcheck=Paycheck". The Hockey Gods must believe that as well, because they rewarded Hollis for his defensive effort with three minutes left in the title match.

Hollis picked up a loose puck in the neutral zone, and cruised into the Cobra Kai end. He accelerated past DiNardo, beating him one more time, cut in front of the net, and lifted the puck over a fallen Yerks and into the top of the goal. It was the cherry on top of the best game he has ever played as a member of Dawg Nation. (See video of goal below this story)
(Writer's note- This is really strange- I'm not used to writing something nice about that skinny bastard kid. I usually just put his head on pictures like this:

But what the fuck, he backchecked, had a terrific assist and scored the game winner. So here's your props, son. Enjoy this moment-it will never happen again.)
Cobra Kai got just one more good chance to score, and it came with only a few seconds remaining in the game. But Sterner managed to fall in front of the puck for a final time, and the ending buzzer sounded a moment later. And it was time for Sterner and Marty Richardson to enjoy a loving, little man embrace that would last well into the night.


"No, I'm not wearing a cup. What you're feeling is all me, baby..."
It is important to note that the Cobra Kai players stayed on the ice as the cup was being awarded, and tapped their sticks on the ice as the Dawgs celebrated their championship. It did not go unnoticed, and Cobra Kai will always be a welcome member of Dawg Nation. You're all class, boys.

Look at them back there- nobody else would do that
So this unlikely bunch of Dawgs, ranging in age from 19 to 51, won their first winter Edge Cup. It was a season that featured the highs of new children and engagements, to the lows of major injuries and life threatening illnesses. Winning the cup is a terrific bonus, but the best thing about Dawg Nation is the sense of being a part of a family. A very strange family, to be sure, but a family nonetheless.



In other Dawgs news:
This week Professor Haywood Jablomee of M.I.T. calculated the odds of goalie Al Sterner ever making another save where he knocks the puck out of the air with his goal stick. He said, "After extensive research, I've determined the odds to be precisely no fucking way to one".


Professor Jablomee
Dawgs forward Brad Stabio is considering a new career as an actor in adult films. Here he models the necessary fake porn mustache, using hair trimmed from the balls of a Turkish man.


Stabs, you just keep lobbing them up there for me.

This week the source of Marty Richardson's success in the championship game was discovered. Not one person was surprised.


Richardson's soul, left

The Dawgs victory was great news to forward Daniel Pham. Wracked with guilt over missing the game, and anticipating a Dawgs loss, Pham had already begun to take his own life- Asian style.



Dawgs forward Josh Adams celebrated the cup win by partying with two pretty girls... and E.T.


"Phone....home..."

Forward Eric Schlie this week celebrated winning the Edge Cup by trying once again to lose his virginity. He might not have picked the best partner.


Do not ever, ever censor me from your Facebook pictures, sonny. This is tame compared to what's coming until you unfreeze me. You don't want this. I'm twisted-ask anyone.

Shaun Hollis' Championship Winning Goal

This helped give the Dawgs their first EAHL winter title