Ramblings of a Short Fat Goalie: Old Dawgs Fall- And They Can't Get Up

Things tend to change when guys get older. Waistlines get a little thicker, hairlines get a little thinner, and when our wives ask us if we want to have "super sex", we think about it for a moment, and then say "I think I'll have the soup".

Oh, and one other thing: eight old guys have trouble playing an entire hockey game without having a bran muffin and a nap.

But that's what the Old Dawgs were faced with last Thursday night. Because of various reasons, the usual 14 skaters were pared down to eight brave warriors, and then eventually seven. They hung tough for over two and a half periods, before finally running out of gas and losing to Team Yellow, 4-2.

It was the Old Dawgs first loss of the new season, and left them in second place with a 2-1 record. Tito Pijanowski notched his fifth goal of the winter campaign, while Dawgs captain and former anal buccaneer Marty Richardson knocked in his second.

Goalie Al Sterner, who should have been the freshest player on the ice, couldn't hold off a late charge by Team Yellow, and surrendered two goals with under three minutes left to absorb the loss.

Sterner

Things looked good at the start of the contest for the Old Dawgs, when Tito Pijanowski picked up a rebound from a shot on Sterner, and headed for the other end of the ice, employing his patented "Polish Snowplow". He cut to the net, and beat Team Yellow keeper Vince Sciandra to make it 1-0 after less than a minute had elapsed.

Team Yellow tied the game four minutes later when Paul Truex scored on a low shot that eluded Sterner, and it was all square going to the second. But Marty Richardson tallied on a power play less than two minutes into the middle frame, and the Dawgs lead was restored at 2-1.

It stayed that way until around three minutes remained in the second, and then things got a little nasty in the old man league. Team Yellow's Truex took Old Dawgs defenseman Chris Courtiol into the boards, and was called for a two minute penalty. Courtiol approached Truex, and the resulting verbal altercation netted Courtiol a two minute, ten minute, and finally a game misconduct penalty. Courtiol was invited to take his toys and go home, and the Old Dawgs were left with seven players to play the final period. Courtiol was still unhappy in the parking lot as he left the arena.

"Fuck you and Mr. Hooper!"

The Old Dawgs tried as hard as they could, but finally wore down with three minutes left. Team Yellow's Jon Guelzow wristed a shot that deflected off of a Dawgs player and into the net to level the score, and then Brent Black stuffed in a rebound from in close to give his team the lead with under two minutes left. Truex scored an empty netter in the final minute for the final margin.

After the game, several Old Dawgs players looked like the game might have taken its toll.

Forward John Theilen was so tired, he said he missed the "good old days" when he had Hepatitis C.

Eddie Cribbs was exhausted, having used up more energy than the last time he made love to a woman. Which was September 19, 1978.

"Do a little dance...make a little love..."

The Old Dawgs now get a chance for redemption, when they play the Coyotes. In a special promotion, tonight is Chris Courtiol Bobblehead Night, where the first 1000 fans will receive the limited souvenir. It comes with a special feature, where you push a button on the back of his helmet, and he'll tell you to go fuck yourself. Game time is 9:55.

In other Old Dawgs news:

Old Dawgs forward and noted stinky French guy Bernie Levesque missed the game last week in order to play a rousing game of softball. The only problem he has is that every time the other team picks up a bat, Levesque goes back to his roots and surrenders.