OLD DAWGS WIN FIRST SDOHL CUP

Click to enlarge-but I wouldn't if I were you. Lots of fugly in this bunch.

Things were looking pretty grim in Dawg Nation this year. After six consecutive seasons of bringing home at least one championship from the four Dawgs teams in various leagues, the Nation was down to it's last chance. If there was going to be some hardware to display at the annual Dawgs party in June, it would have to be supplied by the old timers in the Over 4o league.

And after three nail-biting playoff wins, of which two went to overtime, the Dawgs completed a postseason sweep with a solid 4-1 win over a very good Touchstone Imaging squad. The boys were then awarded the inaugural SDOHL Cup, which goes to the league champions.

French-Canadian import Bern Levesque, who illegally entered the U.S. by crossing the St. Lawrence River in a hollowed out baguette, came through huge for his team with a three goal hat trick. Levesque's brother-in-law and fellow stinky French guy Chris Courtiol assisted on all four Dawgs goals, and Eric Wilks contributed with his second marker of the playoffs, which proved to be the eventual game winner.

After letting in an early goal that could be generously described as a steaming piece of shit, Dawgs netminder Al Sterner, aided immensely by a giant effort from his defense, removed his head from his rectum just long enough to make 23 saves. The backchecking effort was terrific from the Dawgs forwards, especially Levesque and Dave Chamberlin, who spent much of the third period patrolling the defensive zone.

Because they finished first during the regular season with a less than overwhelming record of 12-8, and won their first three playoff games, the Old Dawgs had to wait a week to see who their opponents would be in the finals. It turned out to be Touchstone, a team they defeated 5-4 in an exciting shootout in the semifinals.

Touchstone made their way to the championship contest with a 5-3 win against the Llamas, despite being outshot 26-9. They rode on the back of the best goalkeeper in the league, Tim Kmetz, who led the SDOHL in goals against average during the regular season. Kmetz achievement was despite the fact that he comes from Minnesota, sports a beard that looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, and needs to buy a vowel for his last name.


Welcome to Dawg Nation, Timmy

The final game was less than a minute old when Touchstone's Chris Romine centered a pass from the corner to the top of the crease in the Dawgs' zone. "Goaltender extraordinaire" Sterner tried to deflect the pass away and out of danger, but instead the puck hit the heel of his stick and caromed into his own net.

Just a bitchin' play, Al. 1-0, Touchstone.


Sterner

But Levesque would erase the deficit in the 11th minute of the first when he received a nice outlet pass from the Dawgs bi-curious captain Marty Richardson, skated in alone on Kmetz, crossed in front of the net, and fired high to the stick side. Kmetz got a huge piece of the puck, but it still managed to trickle in to level the contest at one.

The Old Dawgs got a huge boost just fifteen seconds before the end of the first, when proud sexual deviant Eric "The Hungarian Jackhammer" Wilks banged in a rebound to put his team on top. For the second time in the period, Kmetz partially stopped the puck, but it still managed to sneak over the goal line. It was the Wilks' second goal of the playoffs, and came with assists from Courtiol and defenseman Eddie Cribbs.

Touchstone came out hard in the second period, and dominated play for much of the frame, outshooting the Dawgs by a 12-5 margin. But despite several stretches where the puck stayed in the Dawgs zone for an extended time, the good guys were able to weather the storm. And against the run of play, they actually got the only goal of the middle session, when Levesque put in his second goal of the game, off of another nice assist from Courtiol.



Kmetz again almost kept the puck out of his cage, but for the third time, it just barely crawled in. Two of the three goals never even made it to the back of the net, but they were still as good as gold, and the Old Dawgs held a precarious 3-1 advantage heading to the final stanza.

During the regular season, the Old Dawgs had lost several two goal leads in the third period, and usually for two reasons. First, instead of concentrating on defense and protecting the lead, they would continue to pinch in the offensive zone, resulting in being outnumbered in their own end. It wouldn't be fair to mention who did that most of the time.

But his initials are: Tito Pijanowski


"Holy shit...I play defense?"

And second, there was this guy:


Sterner, doing what he does best: looking behind him

But when it came to the final game, and having a chance to win a championship, the boys played good, solid hockey. Again, Touchstone had several periods where they controlled play in the Dawgs' zone, but the puck stayed to the outside most of the time, and Sterner only had to deal with five shots. Again, forwards Levesque and Chamberlin were terrific, both ignoring offense most of the time in order to have another defensive player available in the back.

And when Touchstone pulled Kmetz in favor of an extra attacker with a minute remaining, Levesque completed his hat trick, nudging the puck over the line from a bad angle with four ticks left on the clock. It was Levesque's seventh goal of the playoffs, and even more impressive considering he is, you know, French.

So the Old Dawgs bring a trophy home to The Nation, keeping the title streak alive. The SDOHL will have a little different format this summer, with all players entering a draft, so the Dawgs might be broken up a bit. But next fall, the "sporty and mostly shorty over-40" will reunite to defend their championship, and try their best not to break a hip in the process.

In other Old Dawgs news:

Old Dawgs teammates and brothers-in-law Bern Levesque and Chris Courtiol celebrate after the big game with a very awkward man-hug. They are both exceptionally happy because it's the first time The French have ever won anything.


Yikes...

It took some effort, but Tito Pijanowski found a way to make himself look even less intelligent than usual.


Polacks: They're fun to watch

Dawgs captain Marty Richardson prepares to celebrate the Old Dawgs' victory in his own very special way:


Guys-who wants to check Cappy's oil? Guys?