Coyotes Howl After Old Dawgs 6-0 Win

There has started to be some grumbling among the other teams in the SDOHL that the Old Dawgs are too stacked and too good for the rest of the league. This is despite the fact that they were barely over .500 after seven games, and two weeks ago they were handily beaten 5-1 by the Touchstone squad. Every week, league director John Ling keeps hearing complaints.

You know what might help even things up? How's about showing up with more than nine skaters? That would almost certainly narrow the odds. Until then, perhaps they should shut the fuck up.

But that is exactly what happened last Thursday night. The Coyotes could only field less than two full lines, made no effort to acquire substitutes before the game, and subsequently got what they deserved, easily going down to an almost full Dawgs side, 6-0.

Defenseman only in his fantasies Tito Pijanowski continues to tear up the SDOHL, this week scoring a hat trick to build his season total to 20 goals. Team captain and former spooge dumpster Marty Richardson notched his sixth, and the French were well represented this week as Bernie Levesque also banged in his 20th and unbelievably added an assist, while his brother in law Chris Courtiol slapped in his fourth, and shocked his teammates by avoiding a misconduct penalty.


Courtiol

The two teams had played twice earlier in the season, and both games were as close as you could get. On October 28, the Coyotes prevailed in a shootout, 4-3, and then on December 9th, it was the Old Dawgs turn to squeak out a shootout victory, this time by a 5-4 margin.

Thursday night, things were way, way different. The Old Dawgs dominated the shorthanded Coyotes almost from the opening faceoff, outshooting their opponent by a 34-13 margin. Dawgs goalie Al Sterner picked up maybe the easiest shutout of his life, and the only time he was really worried about the other team scoring a goal was when a certain unnamed player was on the ice.


It's a crapshoot every shift

Pijanowski opened the scoring just a minute into the first period, when he took a pass from rookie Mike Wimmer, skated in using his patented "Polish Snowplow" move, and easily beat Coyotes goalie Ted Cetaruk. It was Wimmer's second assist since joining the team, as he shows vast improvement every week.


Polish Snowplow

Richardson doubled the Old Dawgs lead five minutes later after being set up on a breakaway by a nice feed from Rand Peterson. Richardson fought the usual urge to fire the puck right into Cetaruk's pads, deked to his right and tucked the puck low past the Coyote goalie. It was Peterson's fourth assist, to go along with his versatility of being able to play both forward and defense.

So the Old Dawgs headed to the second leading 2-0, with Sterner courageously stopping all three shots that came his way in the opening period. The lead quickly became three, as Pijanowski knocked in his second of the game, a power play goal at around the three minute mark. Levesque made it 4-0 and game over in the eleventh minute, with the assists going to Richardson and linemate Dan Cashman.

The third period was pretty much a formality, because the Coyotes were completely exhausted. Halfway through the frame, Courtiol received a pass from Levesque, took just a moment to shake off the surprise that Levesque actually passed the puck, and then roofed one past Cetaruk to make it 5-0.

Pijanowski closed out the scoring with 30 seconds remaining, going on one of his patented end to end skates that will now be called "Oh, by the way... fuck you!". He cut across the net, and buried the puck past Cetaruk, thus assuring that the Coyotes would piss and moan right after the game.

The Old Dawgs are now nine points clear of the rest of the league, and will try to expand that lead this Thursday night when they take on B&K Supply. Game time is scheduled for 9:55, but will probably start sometime Friday morning. The last time the two team met, the Old Dawgs prevailed 7-6 despite the fact that their goalie Al Sterner forgot his skates, borrowed some and played the worst game in his 52 years on Earth. This week, he tied his skates around his testicles Wednesday night to remind himself to bring them to the game.

In other Old Dawgs news:

After years of hockey experience, Old Dawgs goalie Al Sterner finally found something he can do well. He can look look behind himself for the puck and creatively swear better than anyone currently playing the game.


"Monkey fucker!! Vaginal belch!!"

This week Old Dawgs forward Bernie Levesque finally appeared in a picture that made him look like a real hockey player.


Shooting off the wrong foot, but other than that...

This week Old Dawgs forward Eric Wilks tried to impress the ladies with a sophisticated new look. But all they noticed was that Wilks' head is the same shape as an egg.

Better hide from the Easter Bunny, Wilksie

After his outstanding performance in the Dawgs' last game, Tito Pijanowski won the SDOHL award for "The Outstanding Polish Sort Of Defenseman Of The Week- With An IQ Less Than 60". All of Dawg Nation could not be more proud.

You the man, Tito...